silenceKILLS♥

Never let them see you cry.

2012-02-06T18:51:00.001+08:00

I don't know. Recently I had been not-myself anymore.
I don't like to text, I don't like to sit with friends.
I just wana be alone.

Was finding someone I can tell for what had been in my mind,
but can't find any.. Actually got a few but I don't wana bother them.
I know I still will be fine, so no point bothering them.
today, I just don't feel like doing anything.

I feel very pathetic.
I am very confused. :'(
If only any one of you just know what cuts my heart. Sigh..
rpscseni, if only you really read me as a book.
HAIIS, bye.

As I was scrolling down tumblr to read quotes,

i came pass a quote that hits me..

God: "I hope somedayyou grasp how loved you really are."

thank You, Lord.

要知道每一次回頭，都會錯過一些眼前的風景~

2012-02-03T19:29:00.000+08:00

Some kind of 'language', we use today.
P stands for proper Eng and N stands of th Eng we use now.
sit back and enjoy! :D

P: Can you or can you not do this?
N: Can ah?

P: Yes.
N: Can lah...

P: Yes, can.
N: Can leh...

P: I think so.
N: Can lo...

P: Are you sure?
N: Can hah?

P: Do you know whether this can be done?
N: Can hor?

P: Are you certain?
N: Can meh?

p/s: hope you enjoy it!
bye :)

My heart broke when I read her blog

2012-01-31T21:05:00.002+08:00

I came online with a smile cause I finished my homeworks,
but when I came online, I saw something that really broke my heart.
and that is why I post the picture above.

I don't know how many of you still reads my blog, but it's okay..
I just wana express myself and not impress anyone with my blog.
so this is how it goes...

it's been long since I came online because im now using wifi instead of comp.
and when i use wifi, i do not check my email.
out of th blue, i on-ed my comp and checked my mails.
to my surprise, she actually invited me to view her blog.
it's been 5years since I've known her and I never once did my part.
it's been 2 years since she blogged and few days ago was th only time she invited me.
she's older than me, so I had always assumed that she's good, she's fine, nothing's troubling her.

I clicked and read it.
the first post I read already broke my heart.
then, I saw my name on one of her post and I read it, it really teared me up.
I don't know.. like all that she has missed on my past and
all that I've missed cause I didn't cherish her in th past.
I hope I can do all I could rewind back th time, and this time, i'll do a better job.

That kind of feeling, cannot be described.
I really thank God that Im so much closer to her now.
though I may not be able to see her any sooner, I will continue to check on her.
though she might not say anything, though she might look unbeatable.
I'm still gonna check on her.

Lord, I really thank You for this opportunity.
thank You for teaching me another lesson today.
I can't thank You enough.

CNY 2012; Day 1.

2012-01-23T22:17:00.000+08:00

HEYYO READERS!
Wishing you people a blessed lunar new year! :D
and yes, I am in msia right now :)

basically, woke up today, started to dress up fr CNY
'cause all of my cousins are very good at dressing up..
*cant lose to them in chinese new year!*
and i took a lot more photo this tym round.. haha.
a lot self-shot too xD

after dressing up, we went to msia to 'bai nian'.
first stop, grandma's hse!
every year, we were th first to reach but this year, we were the second..
heh, th 3rd was following closely.. arnd 10mins..
after tht we had reunion lunch..
annual thing, children will sit with children and
th adults will sit with th adults..
FELLOWSHIP! :D

second stop, grandfather-brother's house.
had a lot of fun catching up with my cousins.. :)
and of course ANG BAO! ;P

third stop, aunt's house.
here, both happy and sad thing happened.
sad thing, one aunt said that im fat.. :( gahh, gotta lose more fats!
happy thing, another aunt say my smile very sweet! Muhahaha xD
and I received an ang bao here! ^^

forth stop, back to grandma's hse for lion dance.
quite cool uh, a lot of people came to our hse just to see th lion dance..
th lion threw one orange and it hit my-vain-little-handsome-cousin's white jeans.
after that he was so pissed thru out th whole day..
and I went to make him happy, really smart Kai Li! :P

fifth stop, my handsome cousin's house.
he's still really handsome despite he's now a dad of two kid.
he got married when im like.. sec2 end.. :(
still remembered me getting so upset bout it th other time. haha!
so today when i went to his house, i played with his children.
really cute, just like him! :)
like father, like son! ^^

sixth stop, back to my grandma's house.
played fireworks and firecrackers with cousin..
awesome much! :)

this year slightly different... :/
every year i will quickly go online and chat with some tht is in spore
'cause i cant use phone.. but this year i don't.
no people missing me in spore and i missed nobody in spore. LOL
good thing i guess, cause i started to be more like myself.
and here am I.. posting ^^

i've spent my day 1 wisely,
thank God for everything that has happened today, good or bad. :)
so.. how's your day 1? :)

p/s: photos will be up soon! :)

Random notes for random peeps.

2012-01-23T00:07:00.001+08:00

HEY. here am I posting with a mask!
tomorrow is 1st day of CNY and im heading to msia to enjoy myself.
yayhooo~ so now, i have a sudden crave to post random notes of appreciation to random people.
SPOT FOR YOURS OKAY :)
*not in any sequence.

#1:
I could search an entire dictionary and not find the words to describe how wonderful you are.
I could say a thousand of words, and never truly express how much you mean to me.
I could find ten thousand four leaf clovers,
and still not have enough luck to ever find someone half as perfect as you.
I could search every art museum, but never find anything as beautiful as you are.
I could smile until my cheeks ache, but never show you how happy I am to be with you.

Times may be tough for you right now, but let’s just put it this way..
Maybe the reason why you have to go through all these things is
because God is preparing you for something bigger.
How will you be able to handle something like that if
small problems make you want to give up already? :)

You can always guess what I am trying to say.. If you can..

#2:
You don't know how much you managed to cheer me up today..
though I am not very close to you,
but I am really glad that you spent th whole day 'celebrating' new year eve with me.
You can definitely see that this year CNY is not fun for me,
but you definitely made a difference, thank you very much! :)

#3: In our life, It’s very rare to find someone who plans to stay in your life,
I hate people who’s going to get close to you then they fade away, it sucks.

You faded away differently, and im trying my best to work it out agn.
Whether or not it will work out, it all depend on the Lord.
And whatever He says, is whatever i'll listen..

#4: Wherever you go, i’ll make new friends.
But old friends(you) will always have a special place in my heart.
I’ll always love those who have stayed with me through thick and thin.
Those who, when they see me cry, can laugh at me and I wouldn’t really mind.
Those who, up to this day, can still name all the teachers I hated.
Those who know the most random facts about me, the insect I hate most,
where I got a certain scar, or the funniest joke that is only between th both of us.
Those who know the kind of things I wouldn’t really share to a new friend
'cause it’s either too embarrassing or too personal.

It can be so easy to forget you
‘cause I have new ones and you also have more people you could hang out with.
but I don’t ever plan to make you feel that im taking you for granted
just because I have new people in your life. :)

#5:
Sometimes I wish I could change your life for the better.
Or just make certain things disappear so they could no longer cause pain to you.
It hurts whenever I see a person I love suffer because of things we both have no control over.

Lord, thank You for all that you've blessed me with.

2012-01-20T22:40:00.001+08:00

It's 10pm and my dad just got home from work.
so.. this post is sort of dedicated to my dad. :)

My question today is.. Who is dad?

A dad is someone who wants to catch you before you fall,
but instead picks you up, brushes you off, and let you try again.
He is someone who wants to keep you from making your mistakes
so that you can learn it your way, even tho his heart breaks in silence when you got hurt.

A dad is someone who will do what he thinks is th best fr you when you cry,
who will always be there when you need him,
he will scold you when you break the rules,
shines when you succeed, the one who will always have faith
and th one who stills believe in you when you fail.

A dad is someone who works till dust, come home and still offer you th good food.
he takes all th leftovers that you don't wana eat so that you can enjoy a better meal.
A dad is someone who love his family so much.

I thank You Lord, for my family.
dad, mum, bro and sis. 'cause they're equally impt to me. :)
_________________________________________________________

Lord, i know, in this world, there are still less fortunate families.
kids without their parents and so on.
Lord, please help me to understand them more and help them more in any ways that i can.
i want to make a difference in their life, for Your glory.
i want to be different, because i am Your child.
Lord, remind me. remind me to be nice in all sorts of ways.

Teach me, Lord.

2012-01-18T22:33:00.000+08:00

It's affecting my mood.
terrible. sigh..

utterly disappointed with them and you.
i don't know why, but i just thought you were different.
now i don't feel like giving you th things tht i wanted to give.
'cause i feel that you don't worth my time to go all th way to Bras pasar to collect,
nor to order nor to walk at th area at such late nights nor to put in so much effort.

i don't know..
agn, just give me one night to be neutral..
i'll love you all over agn tmr.

Lord, i commit everything in Your hands.
i really don't know what to do, im so disappointed.
and most of them are my friends. grr. :'/

Just a simple post.

2012-01-16T20:34:00.000+08:00

HI PEOPLE! Greetings!
here to remind you that you're YOU.
handsome, pretty, and words can't describe. :)
God bless! ^^

I think somewhere along th way, I gave up on you.

girl, you never changed.

Negative comments, negative mood.

2012-01-12T17:27:00.000+08:00

Today i received 3 negative comments tht im reli sensitive of from 3 different people.
so... yeah.. my mood isn't really good, but i'll say im fine.
after all, i should take in comments and improve myself. :)

but i just wana say that i always try my best to be better.
i don't know whether you see it or not, either way, i know God does.
i try not to be irritated by annoying ppl.
i try to love more each day.
i try to do anything tht is pleasing fr others.
and if one day i go crazy, because i had been trying to keep all th fears, struggle and stress,
it's no big surprise..

i think i should just go to bed and forget everything.
Lord, please shower me with love again.
help me to be refreshed and rdy to love them all over again when i wake up. :)

Lord, i am not afraid, cause i have You. :)

God's work.

2012-01-09T17:33:00.002+08:00

Hey readers, im so sorry to keep you waiting fr th post! hehe. :P
basically, i had a family outing with my family(duh!) yesterday.
quite funny ah, esp my dad. LOL. a big joker.
we went to Bugis then to Seragoon Nex.
although it's fun, but i was feeling unwell during th trip.
and i missed out some of th nice drinks, damn~
but overall, great lunch and dinner treat by my dad~ muhahahaa.
and we went home at around 10pm. haha.
_________________________________________________________

today i got back my o lvl results. (2 subjects only.)
was kinda nervous when i entered th hall,
cause I REALLY REALLY wana drop chinese..
and I think what I did right this time round was..
I didn't ask God to give me excellent results, I didn't asked Him to give me good grades.
I asked Him to give me th grade that He thinks I deserves,
the grade that He wants me to get, the grade in His plans.

and I also prayed fr my understanding if I get results that are way below my expectations.
and I really thank God for His grace, and His help thru out this two papers.
I know I am able to do it cause He helps me,
I know He has guided me thru each and every questions.
I know I'll never be able to do it on my own.

Lord, thank You for giving me this results.
thank You for Your grace and help.
I can't thank You enough, Lord.

PRAISE THE LORD! ;D

Love, not a word anyone should throw around.

2012-01-03T15:43:00.000+08:00

First day of school, cool...
Second day of school, i know it's not gonna be cool anymore. Heh.
But God will bring me thru, definately. :)

Goodbye 2011, HEY THERE 2012! ;D

2012-01-01T00:35:00.003+08:00

So yeah, the picture speaks a thousand of words.
Personally, 2011 had been the worst year for me.
Though i've gone thru' quite a number of friendship problems in 2010,
2011 is still th worst. (will elaborate more later.)
So what th picture meant is..
to let go of all th hurts, set myself free agn..
AND start a new year right.

I'll just start of with all th bad things that happened thn closed up with th good ones. :)
BUT, i won't elaborate so much k, don't want my life to be clearly typed here.

NEGATIVE.
1. Friendship problem. (i've never thought tht secondary school will still have this.)
2. Friendship problem 2. (betrayed by some friends whom i viewed as faithful friend.)
3. Friendship problem 3. (mentally abused by some.)
4. Family problems. (grandma's sickness.)
5. Family problems 2. (seeking th 'lost'.)
6. School's problem. (Teachers and stuff.)

** That's about all, well..
i think this year's breakdown is LESSER. but in a sense, it's more extreme each time.
i rmb-ed there was once, i really doubted God.
i asked, why me? why is it me all th time?
and there was another time, i asked God to bring me 'home'
because i don't wana be here, to go thru all th sufferings agn and agn.

i guessed what hurt me th most is th two family problems.
but i know it can't be avoided. it's God's will.
so i'll willingly accept it, after all, i know He won't harm me. He's just prospering me.

POSITIVE.
1. I got a lot closer to God. A LOT. (but i know there's still room fr improvements.)
2. I tried my best to make things right. (to talk to ppl i used to dislike and stuff like tht.)
3. I've learnt a lot thru th good friends God has blessed me with.
4. I place more people in front of my own happiness. (still trying to cont. to work on it.)
5. Felt that God has answered my prayers.
6. A lot of encouragment from my peeps, esp cg friends.

**Well that's about all, tried to make it 6-6. so i don't sound overly emo nor contradicting haha!
I really felt God's presence in my life this year. Through th good and th bads.
and i'll NEVER leave Him agn. i'll never fall back.
He loved me so much. He gave His son so that I could live.

When im in some extreme breakdown, i always ask God to shower me with love agn,
to continue to keep my faith, to strengthened me and of course,
to show and feel alright th next day, so that i can bring laughter to God's people agn and agn.
so that i can be some sort of motivation to them.
and agn and agn, God gave me all these.
When i woke up, i can't rmb-ed why i cried so much th prev night.
I can't rmb why did it hurt so much previously and now im okay.
I thank God for showering me with love over and over agn.. (Even at times when i don't deserve.)
_______________________________________________________________

Somehow th last broke down i had this year was childish.
I don't even know why suddenly I am like this..
I didn't want th new year to start.
I wana to have my holiday and th only people i meet is my cg.
I don't know why, but im just very afraid to go back to school.
All th nonsense from teachers and stuff, th start of my o lvls, and so on..
And on top of all tht, im so afraid that i drift away from God agn..
I'll never want to do that, NEVER EVER.
I wana keep my faith strong, not to impress man, but to impress God.
Afterall, He's th only One whom I need to impress, whom I will impress.

I know ~~next year~~(okay, by th time i finished typing this will be..) this year..
will be a really tragic year (ok la, tragic a bit extreme) and i might nt be able to cope it.
but I have HOPE in Him. I know it might be as hard as this year or even harder..
but I know I can rely on Him. He'll be there for me.

But I believe as long as you love God,
He will definitely honour you even though you're suffering now.
I know for sure that if you submit to th Lord,
He will heal any wounds in His personally and loving way.
He never ignores prayers. -Nadia

SO... with that assurance, let me....
WELCOME, 2012!
bring it on! ^^
__________________________________________

Lord, I come to you, let my heart be changed, renewed.
flowing from th grace, that I've found in You.
Lord, I've come to know, th weaknesses i see in me will be striped away..
BY TH POWER OF YOUR LOVE.

GC's Enas.

2011-12-31T23:51:00.002+08:00

I can't thank God enough. Even if it's just those short moments.
I'm so glad that God gave us those short moments to be alone and have fun with each other.
I know it might not happen agn twice but i really can't thank God enough..
Can't thank Him enough for the short few minutes..

You're so precious, you have to know that i'll always be supporting you.
Don't be afraid yeah! :)

Just a piece of advice.

2011-12-29T15:53:00.006+08:00

Forget the guy/girl that doesn’t care for you,
the guy/girl that cheats on you, uses you denies it.
The guy/girl that dumped you because he/she ‘was sick of it’.

Forget the guy/girl that puts you last and
the guy/girl that calls you when it’s convenient for him/her.
Forget the guy/girl that puts you down, that isn’t proud of you, that competes with you.
Forget the guy/girl that won’t take no for an answer,
and the guy/girl that makes you cry yourself to sleep.

Forget the guy/girl that gets with other guy/girls, that hurts you ‘unintentionally’,
yet does it time and time again.
Forget the guy/girl that calls you begging for forgiveness, he/she isn’t worth it.
Forget the guy/girl that you can’t trust, forget the guy/girl that has made months of your life miserable.
Forget the guy/girl that makes you wait for him/her.
Forget the guy/girl that lies every day. Forget the guy/girl that doesn’t know how to love you.
Forget the guy/girl that’s made it clear he/she could forget about you.

Forget that guy/girl, he/she isn’t worth it.
Relationships are not easy as you think, if you want your realtionship to last,
it requires a lot of effort on it, to work on it together, and fight for it together.

Yes, i might not understand fully what it means too.
'cause im just a typical 16 year old.
but at least, i hope this can help those who're desperately looking fr partners just because they're lonely.
don't rush things, you'll just end up hurting yourself and your family.
let God work in His perfect time. Let God.

Afterall, you're just 12-18years old!
There's no point rushing for relationship or being desperate getting a gf or a bf.
If you get into a relationship not in th right time, at your own will,
it will only turn out to be a relationSHIT.

Trust me.

I spent 18% of my salary already!

2011-12-28T20:32:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOODNESS. I've spent 18% of my salary in just a day!
Yesterday ah, not today. Hahah!
So, i spent today sleeping at home cause i know if i go out, i'd spent agn!
I felt so weird, like.. weird that im not heading fr work and such.
oh well...

I'm not gonna update what i've spent th money on, hehe~
Aiya, still got what, phone accessories, nails, clothing, FOOD and etc lo~

Kinda upset right now, school's starting real soon.
And some of my friends won't be in th same school anymore.
Alamak, should have worked really hard then.
People chiong-ing PSLE, I slacking, reading story books.
My own bad, can't blame anyone. :/
But I know God placed me there for some reasons.
I know He has His own reasons..
Reasons i may not understand, but I know He won't harm me. :)
Just hope that next year will pass real quick so i can be done with o's' real soon~

Should i start my homework tmr? Hahaha!
I'm still thinking about it. LOL.

Who knows what God have in store?

2011-12-27T11:04:00.002+08:00

(This is supposed to be posted on 10 dec 2011 but i typed it in my phone instead.)
cause after work, very tiring to use wifi and comp already.
so here it goes..

10 dec 2011
When i woke up today, a long 8 msg text from Zenas striked me.
He has grown so much and i really thank God for his growth and his work for God.
My mum told me before that guys are usually more immatured
and grow slower than girls of th same age.
But Zenas proved th statement wrong!

Somehow i feel so ashamed of my childish acts..
Im supposed to be the more matured one since im older. (i guess.)
But no, it's th other way round.
He's th one trying to convince some xiao mei mei instead of
me telling him that it's okay, it's God's will.
I think I should really grow up and be more matured.

Who knows what God have in store when we're willing to surrender to God's will?

Dear Heavenly Father,

I really commit one of my fav. cg friend, Zenas, into Your hands Lord.
Lord, I thankyou so much for th blessing the cg with him.
It's really a joy to have him around and
im so glad that You took him away only after we are able to connect and talk to each other,
Or else.. I'll really have missed a great friend.
I'm really thankful enuf for not letting him leave th cg at th moment when
we don't communicate much.
Lord, help me understand that it's Your call.
Lord, may you use Zenas to teach Your words,
let him remember that th cg will always be behind him cheering him on
and always re-assure him that You're by his side.

In Jesus' name i pray,
Amen.

An overview of my work.

2011-12-26T23:42:00.000+08:00

So here i am, officially OUT-OF-WORK.
i think i've missed a lot of events because of my work, but i guess it's still God's will.
i'm never gonna work on Christmas EVER AGAIN.
no matter how much it's th pay, cause it can't compare.

So i would rate my work 8 out of 10.
let me just share some positive and negative opinions.
positive-
I've met new friends. (Aloysius and etc.)
My boss is nice. (Though at first i tot she aren't.)
I pray whenever i see people looking at christian's stuff or for non-believers.
I can see that God is really blessing th christmas fair.
My boss always reminds me that EVERYTHING comes from God.
I've ate pizza and subway for free! (This is just th bonus. :P)
I've seen a lot of hunks, purple guy, security guard and etc. (Awesome bonus!)
I've communicated with two koreans who saw LEE MIN HO in Korea!!
I've laughed th shit out of me with my work peeps. (Yj, Yc, Fian, Shahrul, Jx etc etc.)

negative-
I've met various kinds of 'bad' customer.
Physically abuse by Aloysius. (Poke and poke and poke non-stop.)
Some crappy stuff happened.
One breakdown after work. (Actually only one is counted good le.)
I miss my security guard. (Sigh..)

BUT.. my main goal is.. I hope i had been working for God.
AND not just for th money.

I'll go on until the day i meet God.

Beyond description.

2011-12-18T10:08:00.000+08:00

Hi readers, im sorry for publishing my blog YET not updating it often.
cause i am having work from 10am-10pm and
when i reach home, it will be like.. 1130pm already.
prepare and sleep, then th routine starts agn.. GAHH.

but i really thank God, cause part of my shop im selling Christian's stuff.
and i've seen a lady, really encouraged by her.
her parents are not saved yet, but she's still trying to make an effort.
and bring th gospel back to her hometown.
i really thank God for her. :)

yes Lord, who can grasp Your infinite wisdom?
and who can fathom th depths of Your love?
You're beautiful beyond description, Lord.

p/s: i'll update my blog when im free okay..
now i do blogging when im travelling to work. (on my phone memo.)
i'll update on blog soon.. check it out soon.. ^^

till i blog agn,
cheers. :)

I've found something really cool!

2011-12-09T20:13:00.001+08:00

Hey, im back and now my blog is officially published.
i wonder if i should change my url now.
had been using this url since sec1, perhaps have to make some changes or what.
i think life is full of changes.
that's why im feeling lost right now, but i know i'll be fine.
and i know you guys will be fine. :)

okay, i found a really cool thing, it's like how many times your blog is viewed.
who, what phone? what comp etc. haha!
i wonder if your comp has it! lolol.
and from th chart of what phone, i can see tht YJ is a top mobile phone access to my blog.
HAHAH!! :P

but this is really cool, check it out..
i've NEVER tot tht people from all over th world will view my blog.
it's SOOOO cool! haha..
although, having a blog.. shouldn't have an intention of wanting attention.
BUT this is really cool.. check it out..

Singapore 4,219
Malaysia 213
United States 194
South Korea 84
Canada 44
Russia 33
Latvia 22
Poland 21
India 20
Denmark 18
LOOK AT TH AMOUNT OF VIEWS!
i didn't see this until today.. hahaa~

do pm, sms me if you have any prayer request!

till we meet agn,
cheers on!

After Youth Camp 2011

2011-12-09T17:23:00.002+08:00

Th next time i online, my blog would be publish to public.
not private anymore but to th public.

im so tired now, gotta rest.
byebye! ^^

1 day, 24 hours.

2011-12-02T19:50:00.005+08:00

the picture speaks that all! omgoshhh.
i can't believe i wasted ytd SLACKING AT HOME.
ohwell, i was sick, you can't expect much hahah!

till now, im still down with major flu and cough.
you shld ask Hongze how it was when i met him today..
nv say a few words jiu cough and cough.
okay, let me update bout what's happening today and tmr.

today, woke up and did some stretching cx i realised im far too fat.
so yeah.. after that Hongze sms-ed me ask me meet him earlier instead..
he reached Woodlands like 17mins earlier thn th time we met.
and when i said i was still at home, he said it's okay, he'll play games.
BOYS, THIS IS CALLED GENTLEMEN.
he's a sec3 and he knows all this, please learn from him. T.T
im not saying y'all have to be there 17mins earlier..
AT LEAST, 3mins earlier or at th very least, on time.
and we saw Cheayee and her fam at mrt station. Muhahhaa..
she was th one who stalked me, still say i stalked her. tsktsk.

so we mrt-ed to Yishun to get our mission done.
on th way we chatted and i did something really paiseh agn.
*no face alrdy* ARGH..
we walked from Northpoint to Chongpang and back..
and Hongze gt his phone cover but i didn't.
all doesn't suits me, i don't like it. gaaah.

but i bought 2 new nail polish!
Orangish pink polish and and and.. GLITTER NAILS' PEN.
i got a really cheap glitter pen at 4bucks each!
compared to sasa who sold it at 7.90!!! and i almost got it th other time.
this shows that patience get you cheap stuffs! :)

and i bought those expensive paper to make Christmas cards.
but i know it's worth it. :)
first, IT'S FR CHRISTMAS.
second, they are th people who helped me thru this year,
even though i might not be close with them.. :)

okay, so my plan tmr is to cycle in th evening with Attamimi!
but then we changed cause i wana get some stuff from bugis before my work..
and YJ needs to get stuff there too, so... we can go tgt!
so.. tmr plan is to wake up EARLY.
Cycle with Attamimi for 2h then go home, shower and etc and meet YJ at 1pm!
then we will head to bugis agn!
hope we can get cheap and stuff tht we like before our work which is like.. 5dec.
2 DAYS FROM NOW!!! T.T

gaaaaah. and Sunday, i'll be away..
cause i'll be going to my grandma's hse.. which means...
tmr... i'll have to pack my camp stuff.

till we meet agn,
cheers! ^^

Class chalet 2011.

2011-12-01T21:08:00.000+08:00

Okay, so here i am, back from th class chalet.
hahaa, (trying to sound like i stayed overnight but i didn't.)
perhaps next year i'll stay overnight, not because i think it's fun BUT..
cause im so lazy to travel. Hah! D;

So th first day, i met up with Arshad last min
then Eve msg-ed me to wait fr her at th bus-stop.
and we did! then we saw Shihui.
that stupid Arshad go ask Shihui to alight th bus! waste her 50cents. tsk.

after that Alfian called me, told me th venue..
when i reached cwp, i saw Yingjing and Shara only.
but they are standing at th wrong place.. tht's why no one was there..

then wait fr some 'princess-boy'(th famous guanming) and we travel to Changi Aloha tgt.
so basically to name out all those who went on th first day.
ME!, Mr teo, Ms kok, Yingjing, Shara, Eve, Xiaoyu, Shihui, Rahim, Ryan, Jianxiong, Vynx, Afiq,
Elijah, Wafir, Helmidra, Zul, Shahrul, Syafiq, Yingcong, Guanming.. AIYAH!
BASICALLY ALL TH BOYS EXCEPT LUKE. Lol!

so when we reached th chalet, settled down and th girls started chatting and watching mama.
kinda boring for me cause im not-so-into-kpop.
BUT super junior caught my eyes.
in mama, Yesung is soooo cute.. and th leader which idk th name. HAH.
then we had pizza, wings and chips.
DAMN. i didn't get th wings! but so nice of Rahim to get pizza and drinks fr me. :)

aft tht we played some games like.. picto(something one), indian poker, stress etc etc.
it was kinda fun though.. hehe~ ^^
i enjoyed first day more thn i imagined i guess, more bonding with th class also. :)

and Mr teo sent those not-overnighting one home~
thanks a lot!!
_________________________________________________________

i was thinking not to go fr day 2, but because of th food and boredom i'll have at home,
i dragged myself to chalet.
Yingcong freaking called me 3 times at 11am and Elijah called me once.
so i rushed to meet them in cwp, and that Yingcong complained that he has waited fr 40mins.
HAHA, sorry. :X

we soon met up with th rest...
Yingcong, Yingjing, Jasmine, Ivy, Elijah and I went to have lunch at Mac.
and then we travel to Changi Aloha!
reached there, settled down and... (shit, wad did we do?)
after that, i went mama shop with Eve to get stuff fr Jingxuan and herself.
we chatted on th way there, and funny stuff happened agn. LOL.
and then when we went back to chalet, watched some funny videos w/ th girls.
folo-ed by playing games.. stress and etc..
then more ppl joined us fr indian poker.
but somehow, i don't reli like that game. so i quitted half way. HAH :/

th girls went out to th beach to take some photos..
but i have to admit, i didn't take much. haha~
photos are alrdy up in fb! do check them up~ ^^

then we started preparing fr bbq, and i helped out with faning satay and stuff.
but gt a little bored aftwards.. so i sat down..
didn't eat much but i felt so full..
when to th kitchen to have some drinks but thn i lazy come out le..
so sat there using hp.. then Rahim keep coming and disturb..
like more thn 3 times, and Wafir came over to talked to me.
haha, fun fun~ to hear his opinion from sec1 till now. hehe.
Jianxiong came and disturb also and freak, he saw something he shouldnt. -.-

after that arnd 10pm, Shihui, Yingjing, Jasmine, Afiq, Elijah and me bus-ed home.
by th time i reached home, it's super late le..
but i still want hear songs and etc..
ended up sleeping at 1 plus to 2. haha :)
that's all, i had fun with th class!

that marks th end of our...
CLASS CHALET 2011.

50 little secrets.

2011-12-01T20:36:00.000+08:00

This is from facebook and since i am bored, i shall do this! :)

01. Who was your last text from?
- Cheayee and Hongze both same time.
02. Where was your default picture taken(fb)?
- Kluang, msia.
03. Your relationship status?
- Single.
04. Have you ever lost a close friend?
- Yes, but i didn't really regret.
05. What is your current mood?
- Bored, nothing to do..
06. How many siblings do you have?
- 2.
07. Whats your brother(s)/sister(s) names?
- Kai Jie and Kai Yuan.
08. Where do you wish you were right now?
- Anywhere as long as...
09. Have a crazy side?
- Haha yeah, who doesn't?
10. Ever had a near death experience?
- Kinda?

11. Something you do a lot?
- Whine. LOL :x
12. Angry at anyone?
- Not today.
13. What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
- Th past.
14. When was the last time you cried?
- LOLOL. Last night.
15. Is there anyone you would do anything for?
- Kinda..
16. What you think about when you are falling asleep?
- Anything bout...
17. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
- Arshad.
18. What is your favorite song?
- A lot.
19. What are you doing right now?
- Doing this~!
20. Who do you trust right now?
- God, Family and myself.

21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
- Hang ten? I think so..
22. Have you kissed someone in the past week?
- Hahaha, my sis!
23. Who is your friend that lives closest to you?
- Yuwen?
24. Describe your life in one word?
- Mess
25. Who are you thinking of right now?
- No one in particular.
26. What should you be doing right now?
- Nothing to be completed in time. Devotion is probably th most important.
27. What are you listening to?
- Nothing.
28. Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
- Er.. can't remember..
29. Who was the last person who yelled at you?
- Mum T.T
30. Do you act differently around the person you like?
- Once in a while.

31. What is your natural hair color?
- Dark brown.
32. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
- Ytd at chalet. I think a lot leh. Haha.
33. Who was the last person to make you sad?
- Alamak. T.T
34. What do you hear?
- TV sound.
35. Is your hair curly or straight?
- Half half.
36. Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
- Nope.
37. Do you have a best friend?
- Yupp..
38. Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
- Nah..
39. Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
- Yes, i do.
40. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
- Maybe when young?

41. Are you happy with life right now?
- Kinda? but things could be better.
42. Are you currently jealous?
- Kinda? Not really?
43. What jewelery are you currently wearing?
- Earrings.
44. What were you doing on friday night?
- Last friday night? I don't rmb lah!
45. Have you ever had your heart broken?
- Lol, perhaps? o.O
46. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
- Long ago, i guess.
47. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
- I think so..
48. What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
- To get MC. LOL!
49. How late did you stay up last night and why?
- 1am plus. Thinking off stuff and hearing songs.
50. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
- Nope. Not counted i think.

Pray, cause it helps. :)

2011-12-01T11:27:00.002+08:00

Seeing what you've done ytd, i'll forgive you.
now i'll call you by name instead of some nasty names.
but PLEASE don't make me regret my choice.
and please... don't do something 'asshole' again.
thank you. and i will give u a smile. -> :)
____________________________________________________

AHHH. im so afraid i'll fall in love with Super Junior! ><

ok, skip topic..
I think this year is th WORST YEAR.
terrible year. haiis..
hope i learn something out of it.
(will update bout it during th second last day or th last day of this year.)

till then,
cheers! :)

Maybe.. Just maybe..

2011-11-28T13:52:00.002+08:00

MAYBE
i'll make my blog publish to all, instead of private.

what do y'all think? :)

Zenas' hse.

2011-11-27T14:28:00.001+08:00

My husband's so so so handsome uh!!
love him so much.. :)

BTW, HI IM BACK. heh.
fast right! told ya! :P
let me update ytd's happening and today's ba..

while i was walking to cwp to meet Germaine and th rest to go to Zenas' hse,
i suddenly feel that God is trying to tell me something about His doings.
but i don't seem to understand it clearly.. like exactly what He meant.
so im still trying hard, real hard. :)

so i met up with Germs, Marcus, Weetheng, Joel, Christine, Celes, Nadia
Ian, Zen, Renfred, Lloyd, Dorcas, Christle, JC, Amanda and some other church members..
i don't know some of them quite well since not all of them is in my cg. haha.
so we bus-ed to Zen's hse. like woah, this rich man's son moved hse agn.
bigger each time uh! tsktsk.
went to his hse like 3 times this year and 2 were in different hse..

so we played some games there and had bbq at his place.
kinda cool, cause i chated a lot with Germs, Celes and Nadia.
totally know Celes so much better, and had been more open to Germs.
and found back good old pri sch times with Nadia.
totally awesome! ^^

went home at arnd 9 plus with Nadia and we had a fun adventure
trying to figure out our way home..
so i told Nadia, we can jus dial Zen's number..
so if something happens, we will jus call that number. haha
AND HELP WILL COME! ^^

that's all. :)
________________________________________________________

today ah... went for service..
had some different sessions cause got th children.. :)
it's cool! when im older, i would want to go on a mission trip.
:) if it's God's call, i'll definately AGREE!!!

now, im rotting at home. DAMN.

Because of God, I am loved. ♥

2011-11-25T21:31:00.006+08:00

1. found.
2. saved.
3. hopeful.
4. inspired.
5. forgiven.
6. blessed.
7. stronger.
8. optimistic.
9. loved.

BLOG NEEDS SOME REST!

cheers! ^^
i'll be back!

3rd post for th day.

2011-11-23T19:46:00.002+08:00

I saw this in one really nice fren's blog.
this post isnt my credit at all. but somehow it's similar to what i have to say. :)
so here it is..

Sometimes.. I realize how much I complain about my life.
I always see myself as getting it hardest.
I get frustrated easily, I lose patience easily,
and I think I'm alittle too sensitive to things at times.
I don't usually say or show it, but I know it dwells in my heart many times..
I can't help but thank God for all that He is.
I look at myself and all my ugliness,
and all I can see is that a loving King, would give up everything for me.

I look at myself in disgust that I would ever consider my life as a pain. Sickened.
God has blessed me so much, not that He needs to,
but purely because He loves us all so very much.
The mere fact that I was chosen by God, and that He started a work in me,
for me to receive and follow Him blows my mind.

Why would a God save me? I have so many flaws, so much sin.
Sometimes I see my non-Christian friends
and how they care for people and how they are so 'Zi dong'..
And I just wonder 'why not them?' why me?

It has to be God's mercy and love & nothing more..
And I'm sure God place me with such friends to be a living testimony to them as well,
something that I should make a more conscious effort to do.

Yup, and I'm sure God placed such friends in my life to
really teach me how to be sensitive and how to humble myself too.
I could ask for nothing more really.
So yes, I shan't complain about how much I hate my school
or how much life 'sucks' for me no more.
The fact is, I appreciate being in my school, and I'll never have wished for anything better.
And my life is great!
I'm a child of God, and in time to come, I'll be in heaven,
with the perfect Holy & Loving God Himself. :D
that's way more awesome than anything else.

Lord, help me to be a humble person, to be a true christian,
one that pleases You and brings honour to Your name.
Lord, help me to be more grateful to You.
I really want to glorify You with my life.

p/s: i deserve no credits for this post. :)

Prom night 2011.

2011-11-23T19:02:00.003+08:00

Well, i went to Yangtin's house to help up with her make up and hairdo.
at th same time, helping Cheayee with her nails and hair.
ended up, Yangtin suited her style of make up more than mine.
but it's okay, she looked really chio after putting mascara and such.
her eyes' lashes super (Y).

i just helped her do a simple plait.
and for Cheayee, did gradient nail polish for her and a simple plait too.
but they look just as good even without any make up.. :)
one bunch of pretty girls preparing fr prom.

after make up, touch up and everything...
they're all rdy to go for prom..
like this:

and im stucked over here..
like this..

well, hope they'll really get to enjoy themselves.
and with their prom date! erhem! ;D
best wishes! happy graduation!
______________________________________________________________

shouldn't make this post so emo, so i'll just cut short this part.
kinda upset that im not going prom with them..
well, not saying that i love prom but im upset because i have another year.
lol. and kinda sad too cause we're th same batch yet can't go to th same prom.

haha, let me not be so negative.
i know there's a reason behind all these!
at least this year, i did put in more effort in my studies! :)
and i may not have met such great frens
if i go to other sch's express steam instead of riverside's natt..

all because i did not work hard in primary school.
haha, people studying for psle, but i playing arnd.. LOL.
thank God, i've "woke" up from my sleep of just playing.

that's all..
ALL TH BEST, SEC4 EXPRESS AND SEC4 NT :)

All about my boyfr.

2011-11-23T14:02:00.001+08:00

I saw this article and i think my boyfr should be praised for it!
well done Mr Jang Keun Suk! :D
you have never fail to make me proud! ^^V

so here it is...

On November 23, Jang Keun Suk’s agency, Tree J Company, said,
“Jang donated to Hanyang University to help cultivate men of talent.
We wanted to do it quietly but his actions were discovered.”

According to the agency, Jang KS, who is a Theater and Film student at Hanyang University,
decided to donate to help students who, despite their talent,
can’t achieve their goals because of money troubles.
That’s why Jang KS donated 1.2 billion won to the school.”

Jang KS is also thinking about establishing the ‘Jang Keun Suk Scholarship Foundation’ next year.
The agency says, “Jang has been supporting kids in Korea.
He also donated 10 million yen to Japan after the earthquake.”

Jang KS also donated part of the proceeds from the cheering event
for Korea during the FIFA World Cup South Africa 2010 to Hanyang University Hospital.
He has also joined a project to make an album called ‘Dream, Spread Your Wings.’

i'm so proud of him! forever and always! ^^V ♥

Flawssssssssssssssssssssss..................

2011-11-21T20:18:00.001+08:00

Aiyo, i see a lot of my flaws today. damn damn damn. major flaws.
i don't have determination at all! seriously.
i can have th heart to do something yet half way thru, i'll make up some reasons to give up.
like im really not that type of people that can be determined. damn.
that's just one of th major flaws.. a lot more. haiis.

well, let's talk about today..
went to woodlands checkpoint with Alfian, Jasmine and Ying cong.
we shopped for bbq stuff, all th dry food etc..
quite fun i would say. hehee.
then after we bought all th stuff, we went to hawker to get our drink. :D
cheap cheap drink! at th same time, Alfian and Ying cong got their food.
after which, Helmidra and Syafiq came to meet us up to carry stuff fr us.
and we went to Shara's house to place them.

tmr Yingjing, Jasmine and me will go watch "you're an apple of my eye."
hope it's nice though. hehehe.
but we're like only heading to cwp? which is like damn bored.
haiis. see how lah~

tt's all, cya people.
take loads care! :)

~

2011-11-20T20:13:00.001+08:00

Honestly, i think i need to chill.

if i change some day, don't ask why.
cause you should know it yourself.
you forced me to.
__________________________________________________________

(totally not related topic.)

One evident that i’m not who i used to be.

Few years or just one year ago.. I didn't know that

that promises would be broken and that things would end. I closed the door.
that things I never thought possible would happen at anytime. I accepted fate.
that my words are as powerful as they are beautiful. I wrote and turned my pain into beauty.
that those I envisioned in my tomorrow would be those who left today. I said goodbye.
that I could forgive the deep wounds of the past. I am still forgetting.
that the love I did not believe that it would be special to be so special that it never left at all. I loved again.
that finding beauty in the darkest of times is learning how to celebrate life. I began my own celebration.
that I never needed to depend on another person as a leaning post. I found my posture and stood tall, on my own.

that sometimes you have to put distance between each other to find a closeness and sometimes being apart doesn’t mean you don’t love each other. I loved him more.
that life is full of chances and sometimes, if you’re lucky, you’ll be given a second one. I am running with my second chance.

Cg; 19nov2011

2011-11-19T18:12:00.003+08:00

Went for praise and prayer with cg, but quite little people turned up.
only like Germs, Zenas, Ian, David, Marcus and me.
did th usual, worship then we prayed for Thailand flood and Youth camp.

arnd 230pm we had our cg..
more people turned up. Yangtin, Lloyd, Ryan and Nadia.
we celebrated Yangtin's and Marcus' birthday followed by bible study.
this time round was Lloyd leading.. abit of confusion here and there.
but i know i have to adapt to his teaching instead of relying on Germs'.

i really liked Zenas' and Nadia's hair.
was thinking not to dye anymore but after seeing their hair.
gosh, i wana dyeeeeeeee! hahaha. :)

Zenas is an all time sweet boy, always compliment others in all sorts of way.
and it always made my day! :D

after cg, while heading home, something funny happened.
HAHAHA Yangtin! you know what im talking about.
so Yangtin and me headed home, being very paiseh.
hahaha, spoilt umbrella, and we saw Justin on our way back. damn! haha.
if there's a hole, i'll quickly hide in it. LOL.

That's all, cya guys! :)

17 nov 2011, Mum's bday~ ^^

2011-11-18T22:25:00.001+08:00

Hi readers. I'm here to update what i've been doing from wednesday till yesterday.
'cause today nth special happen ah~ haha
well, let me start off with wednesday first. :)
sit back, relax and enjoy.

Wednesday; 16 nov 2011.
woke up early cause im too excited to meet Cheayee! haha.
i bet she's excited too! LOLOL.
so we met each other at 11am sharp.
im so proud that both of us are early, it shows that she actualli made an effort.
thankyou!! :)

we quickly mrt-ed to bugis..
chatted on th mrt then ONLY at Yio chu kang, Cheayee asked me..
where le? why so long? LOL. that-impatient-in-taking-mrt-girl.
when we reached bugis, we went to illuma to find her prom dress.
i told her to buy white cause it's more outstanding but ended up..
i said th black one suits her better. haha, kinda contradicting yeah? :P

after that we walked arnd bugis first lvl then headed to bugis junction for our lunch.
we went to this 'red pot' or what de place for lunch.
quite expensive but thinking of th big serving, it's worth th money! :)
*photos will be uploaded at th end of november on fb*

we headed back to bugis for our shopping~
that day went out with Eve they all, i bought a lot of stuff le..
so i told YJ that im not going to buy anything when i go out with Cheayee.
BUT BUT, can't resist. so i bought a shirt and nails decor stuff..
only ok~ ONLY. :)

oh well, i saw a dress that i really like! but it cost more thn was bugis shld sell. :(
i was so tempted to buy, but in th end... resisted!
'cause i still need to watch movie and stuff. hehe~

after which we went somerset-orchard to get some earrings and nails stuff.
and then... travel back to woodlands~
by th time, it's like 830pm already and both our legs like super 'suan' de. haha

th end~ :)

Thursday; 17 nov 2011.
first of all,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY! ;D

and

HAPPY 20TH ANNIVERSARY TO DAD AND MUM! ♥

i love you, daddy and mummy!

so i went to celebrate my mum's bday.. well, this time a bit different ah~
we ate steamboat at home instead of heading to some restaurant to eat..
'cause we haven't been eating steamboat since chinese new year then. hehe.
bought this mango cake from polar too! loves polar cake! yumyum~ :)

while eating steamboat brings me back a lot of memories.
all th good memories during chinese new year. hah~
but it's all over now, i shouldn't be thinking about it anymore. :)
well, it's been a year already.. so fast ah~
so fast gonna welcome 2012 le~ hehee. i hope 2012 will be good?
but even if it wont be good, i know God will always be there for me. ♥

our family had steamboat and then ate cakes and etc.
had a fun time tgt! :)
and my dad is currently sick, down with very bad cough and such.
hoping he's alright, get well soon!! ♥
will be praying fr him. i know God will help him get well fast de~ ^^

th end~

Th-girl-that-showers-for-an-hour.

2011-11-16T23:35:00.000+08:00

I'm actually glad girl, that you chose to come back agn.
although i know, you might leave anytime, but at least, im someone you can fall back on.
it might be sad fr me just to be a second choice,
but if i can make you better, im more thn willingly.

i think i love you so much, and thankyou fr being someone so dear to me.
maybe it's because you had been really nice and had been there fr me since day 1.
thankyou friend. :)

2011-11-15T22:47:00.001+08:00

welcome.

2011-11-15T22:46:00.001+08:00

If you don't understand, then keep quiet.

2011-11-15T21:34:00.000+08:00

When did i not find time for you?
and this is how you repay me, well, i've got nothing to say.
stop talking like i've to impress you daily, cause i know i don't.
im not trying to be a bitch right here cause tht's not what im supposed to do.
i don't want to have anything to do with you cause i don't want to dislike you further.
honestly, think it thru.. how you repay me.
im telling you right now, for once. EVEN a stranger treats me better.

not trying to bitch arnd, but if you have a problem, just say it straight to th face.
this is th last tym im talking about this issue.
i don't wake up everyday to impress you.
you're NOT TH ONLY one who is angry.

thank you very much.

Quick post.

2011-11-14T22:56:00.001+08:00

I try to stay as nice as possible, but frankly speaking, this is getting on my nerves.
not like i care anymore since we aren't close anymore.
but as much as i can, i still try to be nice to you. but please know your limits.
i don't want things to go far too complicated.
'cause this time, i'll just let it fall, i wouldn't waste my time saving things that will go wrong agn.

don't wait until th last min when you know you're wrong then you come rushing back.
it may be too late. im just saying.. it may just be too late.

Just a random note to all(not related to above post):
When you know you only have one last chance to make things right, do all that you can.
Sacrifice what you need to sacrifice. Give it your best shot.
_____________________________________________________________________

Btw, will update what i had been doing recently.
and i have OFFICIALLY FOUND my job!
i hope th lady manager or in-charge would be nice.
and i hope it would be nice working with current friends and new friends!

first time working with YJ, :) looking forward to it!

City hunter FTW!

2011-11-13T23:29:00.003+08:00

I'm always too early or too late.
sigh, it's okay. :)

INTENSE 7 HOURS WATCHING CITY HUNTER.
super duper great show, love it!
esp when my husband is th actor! ^^

Continueeee~

2011-11-11T23:54:00.001+08:00

My boy is so hot! :)
and he had been selected to make some official notice for worldwide terrorist security thingy.
well done boy! ♥
______________________________________________________________

Let me continue with th challenges im doing! ;D

11. Something disgusting you did.
Er.. okay, this!
i was going to ssc with Yingjing then th bus don't have any handler ma.
so when i wanted to grab some handler to stable my balance,
i was actualli grabbing on an auntie's head. LOL.
it was funny at that moment but after that,
i felt disgusted and quickly went to ssc's toilet to wash my hands. ><

12. The best thing that happened to you in this week.
Er.. the best thing that happened this week was probably er...
im not sure leh. can't figure out what's th best.
like all is th same. hahah~ :P no special events that occured.
but Worshipping God at Audience for ONE is cool, cause it's for God. :)

13. Things that make you scare.
Er.. something that make me fear th most is changes, but i know i have to adapt with it.
so im trying really hard, help me along k people! ;D
and another thing im really scare is..
i scare people noticed that im not as good as they thought im. :(

14. Disrespecting your parents.
Hmm, i think rebutting them loudly when i think im right?
working at it now too, have to be more patient.. MUST..

15. Something you can't seems to get over.
Er.. i can't think of anything right now.
cause sometimes i forget everything but theq's still some days when everything come rushing back.

16. Things you wana say to 5 different people.
God: I don't want to ever walk on my own without You. ♥ :D
Family: I'll love you all, forever and always. ♥ ;D
School friends: I'm thankful for all of you although some still gives shit at times. :P
Church friends: I really love all of you, cause of all th support and encouragement. ^^
Random people i know here and there: Hope to get to know y'all better. :)

17. Your religious beliefs.
God, Jesus, Holy Spirit.

"You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
I'm seeking You like a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my cross my sin my shame

Raising again I praise Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I run dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all"

18. The month you were happiness in this year.
Er.. June i guess. hehe. :)
th one and only msg, but i lost it. damn damn damn!

19. What have changed th most this month.
My phone? LOL.

20. Which month you wouldn't want to go back this year.
Jan-April barhhs. haha~

20 challenges for a boring day.

2011-11-10T23:16:00.001+08:00

1. Weird things you do when you're alone.
2. How have you changed from th past 2 years.
3. What kind of person attracts you.
4. What do you wear to bed.
5. 5 things that irritate you.
6. The person you like and why you like them.
7. Your opinion on cheating people.
8. How a single life is.
9. Things you wana say to an ex.
10. A date you would love to go.
11. Something disgusting you did.
12. The best thing that happened to you in this week.
13. Things that make you scare.
14. Disrespecting your parents.
15. Something you can't seems to get over.
16. Things you wana say to 5 different people.
17. Your religious beliefs.
18. The month you were happiness in this year.
19. What have changed th most this month.
20. Which month you wouldn't want to go back this year.

(I might do until th place i wana stop and continue tmr.) :)
now, let's start! ^^.

1. Weird things i do when i'm alone.
I know this isn't weird but.. whenever i'm alone, i tend to think a lot.
i tend to think about the possibilities of life.
when I say "possibilities", it actually means bad outcomes.
but once in a while, i do think and imagine of good outcomes which never seems to come true.
there seems to never be a day when I have peace and quiet for a day, without any troubles.

One thing i really hate about myself is that whenever i'm alone, i'll think of the past.

now, i have no idea why my teeny weeny brain still lead me back into memories.

i stopped crying because of memories. MUHAHAHA. i've grown matured.

but i still smile/laugh to myself when i think of the good stuff.

2. How have you changed from th past 2 years.

I must admit that I am very different from what I was two years ago.

Two years ago, i was a rather cheerful girl with guilt here and there

'cause i know i wasn't a really good girl then.

i was not serious in studies and such, all i think of is FUN.

i was not close with God. i was th one who moved away from Him.

but now, i would gladly say, i'll NEVER leave God again. :)

i think what made me change so much was this year.

i went through the darkest and the most painful moment in my life.

i hated 2009 but i hated 2011 the most. it was never sweet at all.

i was diagnosed with mild depression in the first half of 2011,

and no one has any idea how much I went through.

i went through the most painful experience of unfairness. :/

but right now, i can proudly say i am not very happy BUT im contented..

thinking back, it was really stupid of me to let things happen when they could be prevented.

thinking back, I was really immature to do such horrid stuff too.

however, if you were to ask me if i regretted doing any of the things i have done,

my answer is half-yes and a half-no.

half-yes cause th pain is totally unbearable.

half-no cause after th incident, i've grew so strong that i could stand on my own.
maybe without such situations, i would not have learn many things from these experiences.

i don't easily crumble now, as you can see.

i may have my downs in life, tumble down, but i'll stand up again.

in fact, i'll stand up stronger (:

3. What kind of person attracts me.

first, who doesn't go for looks? i do get attracted by looks but it's only temporary.

i may like a person with good looks but i like a person with good personality more.

i may like someone who is popular but i like someone whom i chose to respect more.

so exactly what kind of person that attracts me is someone who...

A big heart, BUT i really respect a person WHO IS TRUE.

true to everyone not lie lie here, lie lie there.

to sum up, a person really attracts me if he/she is true, giving others th respect,

and being himself/herself! ;D

4. What do you wear for bed.

As simple as it sounds, I normally just wear a tee that goes along with my shorts.

i don't have a pajamas, and even if i do, i'll be to lazy to change into it. :P hehe.

5. 5 things that irritates me.

A. People in wrong yet still trying to push the blame on others.

B. When i say something, they just don't believe it.

C. Smoke.

D. Hotness. Sweat. i can't stand hot weather.

E. Ants crawling on me. eeek!

6. The person you like and why you like them.

I don't have someone i like in particular but i have a lot of them whom i like as a whole.

i like them because..

A. They understands me.

B. They're funny.

C. They're kind-hearted and they attend others with love.

D. They know what to do when i'm down.

E. Because i just like them. :P

7. Your opinion on cheating people.

I think cheating people is a serious offence. haha, no lah.

but if i cheat on someone, i'll have really a serious guilt which

leads me to tears and such, as if they were th ones who cheated on me.

but if i have a chance agn, i wouldn't want to cheat on anyone.

because th feeling of being cheated is as bad as th feeling of someone stabbing you.

it's just th mentality kind of forms. haha.

so, i HIGHLY RECOMMEND you not to cheat on anyone.

8. How a single life is.

I think a single life is f.r.e.e.d.o.m.

there's a certain kind of freedom in nothing left to lose.

you'll not be so exhausted trying to stalk your partners and see what they're doing.

you'll not have to text them and chat with them till you neglect th rest of th people.

well, im not saying being single forever is good cause we're made in pairs.

but right now, for me, i don't have any interest in getting into a relationship.

i mean.. single life can still be a happy life. :) with God in th picture.

9. Things i wana say to an ex.

I don't think i have anything in particular right now,

cause all have been sent thru text years ago which he did not receive.

and i can't rmb anything that i've typed except th name. LOL.

well, th things i wana say is..

i really hope that someday i can really get a chance to read tht.

and all th best? :')

10. A date you would love to go.

A date i would love to go is a date i go with my loved ones.

i mean even if you go to th most unique place with someone you're not closed with,

you wouldn't enjoy yourself as much compared to

going out to a simple beach with your loved ones right?

so a date i would love to go is a date i can fully enjoy myself with my loved ones. :)

_____________________________________________________________________

Th next 10 i'll do tmr. :P hehe.

check it out tmr k!! be patience!! :P

Many many post.

2011-11-10T19:25:00.000+08:00

I thought i will be really happy cause EXAM'S OVER!
but im not really happy leh, don't know why, can't hype up ah~

well, im here to express myself from 1st nov till now. :)
5 days, just a short update for each day~ hehe! ^^

5 nov;
saturday, i went out to play isit? or isit i studied?
ohh! i rmb already! haha, went to study at RP with Yangtin.
after that, i left arnd 3pm cause it's my cousin's weddings!
got myself dressed and here i am!! prepared to go for th wedding already.
WE WAITED 2.30H FOR TH WEDDING TO START.
nowadays people always late, tsk! D;

somemore th service wasnt even good lah, please lah!
teenagers also know serving must smile lah!
make my mood damn bad sia, dunoe lah!
th waitress' face BLACK until cannot black sia!!
but anws, it's a fun day with my family~ :)

6nov;
went to church! YIPEEEE. brought Jasmine along today!
and im superrrrrr glad that she liked th semon and guess what?!
SHE'LL BE JOINING US NEXT SUNDAY AGN!!
and and I SIGNED UP FOR YOUUUUUUTH CAMP. hope it will be fun man!
$55 :( so im officially b.r.o.k.e!

after church, meet up with Yangtin's cousin and we went to eat Pastamania!
i chose th 2nd cheapest food i can find theq cause im really b.r.o.k.e!
i cannot afford to spend money like some rich-man's-daughter anymore! :(

7nov;
IT IS YANGTIN'S DAY!
really wish her a very happy bday! ^^ sent her a long msg at night.
(present passed her one day before le! ^^)
hope she love it man! can't imagine school without Cheayee and her :( sigh.

and i went out with Eve, Darlene and Xiaoyu!
had a really good chat with Xiaoyu, got to understand her so much more. :)
first, we went to Jurong point and i really thank Xiaoyu for being patience with me.
as usual, i'm damn disappointed when i can't find th shoes i loved. :(
well, we travelled to bugis next.
got my KOI and headed to support Xiaoyu for her belly studs!
she's really so brave, i wouldn't dare to do it. gosh.

after which, i bought clothes, nail polish, and stuff!
love it! and i actually withdraw so much money from my bank for shopping._.
im so d.e.a.d!!!

headed to Orchard next.
Eve got her ear studs!! Brave her too!
plus Darlene who is preparing to get her eyebrown pierced.
OMGosh, all so brave except me >.<
good day, thanks a lot to th 3 girls! ;D

8nov;
met Li lao shi to discuss chinese's o lvl thing.
after that, Jasmine folo-ed me to study in RP then study in church.
nothing's special~! haha! studying is b.o.r.i.n.g so nth to post ah!

something happened at night and i had a bad quarrel with Eve and Rahim.
both friends whom i've really loved. :'(
for me, quarreling with Eve is like th first time in my entire life.
i was damn sad that day so i cried myself to sleep and regretting it.
cause i felt damn tired th next day and didn't have much mood to study.

9nov;
i woke up many times to check if Eve and Rahim had replied my sms, but they didn't.
was more concerned with Eve's issue though.
so in th morning, i dragged myself to th comp and on-ed youtube.
hear th song, "still my child" folo-ed by "when God ran".
and th second song made me cry and fall on my knees agn.
(it's th second time already, it's really emotional and encouraging.)
STRONGLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO HEAR!

so i received Eve's msg at arnd 9am and glad she's not pissed anymore.
and there starts my th second day of mugging!
totally same story as th 8nov's schedule.
just that we have th excitment tht 10nov, after 1215pm,
EVERYTHING WILL BE OVER.
ohyeah! ohyeah! ;D

10nov;
OHYEAH, today's morning is a GOOD day.
i told Yingjing, "wah! if Teeyuan sit beside me, WAHAHHAA."
thn guess what?! TEEYUAN ACTUALLY SAT BESIDE ME!
i was super shocked when i went up to th hall!
damn damn damn! can't believe it man! my words came true!!

ohwell, i don't like him, but i just think he very cute ah~ haha!
so i told this good news to Eve and Eve went like what?! ** is cuter thn TY sia!
and i went like.. "what?????!!!!!"

had a good chat with her in bank and then folo-ed by th meeting.
quite cool ah, only Jasmine, Eve, Xiaoyu, Yingcong and Alfian turned up.
but we had a good chat, yum yum~~!! ^^

went to cwp with them then ..... END OF STORY! ;D
_______________________________________________________________

Current mood: Neutral.
Reason: I don't know, but i don't feel th excitment anymore.

Current doings: Listening to Hillsong's song! ;D
Reason: Encouraging, speaks God's great love, and God's mercy.

finally,
Loves: God! ;D

Till' we meet again.

2011-11-04T17:38:00.001+08:00

Does that mean that I'm matured now? :P
cause i know i'll still be fine, no matter what comes on my way.

When i say everything, i really mean every single thing in my life.
all th goods and th bads. :)
I LOVE YOU INFINITELY, LORD!! ♥
______________________________________________________________

Dear readers,

my chinese had been really really bad, and i only left with TWO days to study fr it.
moreover, i don't know HOW to study for it and my teacher just DON'T care.
oh well, i still have God to help me. so i still know, I'LL MAKE IT THRU'
till we meet again, 10nov. :)
love ya!

Kaili.

Picture speak words.

2011-11-02T20:34:00.001+08:00

Saw a few photographs and here am i trying to describe it. :)
do enjoy~ hahah!!

I feel safest when someone i love hugs me. (E.g: parents, siblings, friends and etc.)
it’s as if no one can hurt me, or my feelings, ‘cause someone’s there to shield me from harm.
that even if i’m not strong enough, i need not to worry,
‘cause i won’t have to go through difficult times alone.

A hug can mean a lot of things, but to me,
it’s simply the best way to show someone that you care about them.
yes, even more comforting than the sweetest lines you can tell somebody, if you ask me. :)

You’re miserable because you over think, and you keep worrying.
the problem is, most of the things you worry about never take place.
even when you’re not certain of facts, you react negatively,
that’s why things get hopelessly complicated.

But i truly understand how is it like to not want to overthink but just can't help it. :/

Sometimes people tell you that you wasn't there when they needed you.
but actually you never left. it's just that they're too blind to notice that you were always there.
‘cause they were waiting for someone else to care for them when you do.

When a couple breaks up, you’ll see who loved the other person more.
th one that still couldn't move on and th one who try so hard to save back th relationship.

Sometimes all you need is someone who will inspire you to become a better person.
someone who will never give up on you.
someone whose advice you could take to heart.
someone great, but doesn’t intimidate you.
someone you can look up to.

I admire people who can always stay positive.
as much as possible, i try not to let sadness
and problems get the upper hand in my life, but sometimes, they still do.
i admire those people who never lose hope,
despite the fact that they’ve been disappointed a lot of times.
i wish i was a bit more like them.

That's all for today,
love ya! ;D

Random thought.

2011-10-31T21:17:00.001+08:00

Effort.
That’s what you lack.
I feel like if I won’t reach out to you, nothing will ever happen.
Friendship is supposed to be two-way, you know?
I can’t do this alone.

Difficult people. Difficult situation.

2011-10-31T20:30:00.001+08:00

DAMN. i'm so pissed off.
Lord, please help me to calm now. please Lord.
i don't wana ruin my mood just because of difficult people in my life.
th best way is to ignore them completely right? sigh.
Lord, im sure you know who did that to me and th most i can do is pray for him/her.
please help me not to take revenge Lord.
im sure you gave me this life because you knew i can bear with this.

but Lord, i feel so disrespected.
i feel so unfair. i wasn't th one who cheated yet i received all this shit.
but Lord, please help me not to get into Satan's trap.
help me to follow Your way, Your righteous way. :)

I LOVE YOU, LORD.
forever and always. ♥

2011-10-30T22:04:00.000+08:00

This applies to everyone that i know and i loved.
i have to change. seriously. have to.
i've always been scared when someone new joined or something.
it's really scary. i'm afraid th people i loved will share their love equally with all th new friends.
this is th right thing to do, but i'm always afraid.
that one day everyone will leave me cause they realised im not as great as they used to think.
honestly, i think i need i change.
i wana accept new comers, new friends too. i have too.

please Lord, guide me thru. i'm really still struggling with this.
please help me to spread th love to everyone too.
not just within my own clique of people in my life.

Lord, please. let me welcome new comers. :'(
i really want to do that w/o being jealous or scare that
my current loved ones will give them th equal amount of love and concerns.

Lord, please please help me. :'(

A letter as a post.

2011-10-29T15:02:00.001+08:00

Dear 2.4k DSLR,

You're doomed for saying i don't have general knowledge.

HAHHAA. well, it is to make you happy only k!

ohwell, i shall forgive you cause it's been SOOOOOO long since we last met.

and i don't know when can we see each other agn.

'cause im REALLY not going fr th next one.

till we meet again, take care. :') ♥

Regards,

the person you bought your iphone 4s for.

I feel so lost after exams. LOL.

2011-10-28T20:03:00.000+08:00

Just a random thought i wana share. :)

Time is a great teacher.
there are questions that only time can answer, doubts that only time can erase,
memories that only time can hold, and wounds that only time can heal.
but what I figured out over the years is that time has a way of pulling you back to the past,
even when you’re not willing to go.

a simple song, a familiar smell, a happy memory,
or the mentioning of the name of a person you once loved.
these things control you in a way, although you’ve already moved on,
significant relationships become a part of you, whether or not they’ve already ended.

2011-10-23T18:12:00.000+08:00

Theq's a reason for this photo, sit back and read this post.
i hope it's encouraging for all of you. ^^

What if you can go back in time and change things, will you?
or would you stay where you are even if things are not perfect?
sometimes I wish I was a kid again.
I wish I could relive my life, maybe make wiser choices,
study harder, hug those I love tighter
‘cause I know soon I’d have to live my life without them.

I have regrets, lots of them.
but I am who I am now because of my mistakes and my achievements combined.
I may have failed along the way, but hey, I’ve made lots of right choices too.
so I guess I deserve to be where I am now.

I think all we have to do is fix what that can still be fix,
and let go of the rest.. 'cause we can't control it.

**things don't happen to us by chance, it happened 'cause God allows it to.
ALWAYS RMB: God's doing will NOT harm us, but to prosper us.

SO COME ON, SMILE WITH ME.
we'll be our own knight, we'll be our own soldier.
we'll be God's child, under God's protection.

Know what's th worst feeling?

2011-10-20T17:02:00.025+08:00

Well, i'll ans my title qns at the last part before i end off.

so here's my post first.
initially, i planned to post all bad news cause today's just bad and definetely NOT my day.
but i think i shouldnt be so.. "emo" so...
i decided to force out some slightly better things that happened today.

let's go by th order.
woke up today, feeling NOT good.
somehow th dream i had last night wasn't good and it seems to be true.
i mean well, i think it's true ALTHOUGH that it th LAST ting i want it to happen.
but well, it's just not i could control.
planned to go school early to mark my 2009 & 2010 EM P2 but didn't..
strolled to school like some restless souls then sat in canteen like theq was nth to be done.
felt damn upset but controlled my tears of course! :') <- yes! like this!

after which, went to class, got back all my results.
firstly was POA.
when i received my paper, i tot it's up to expectation, then i realised it's not.
my mistakes were theories! those that i'm lazy to memorise.
maybe, just maybe.. i could have done better.

next was Chem and Phy.
both differ by 1 mark only. but somehow i don't think it's well done.
i studied so much for chem, in fact, chem is th ONLY subject i studied much this time.
yet chem result still lost to phy's result by 1 mark.
i'm speechless, really. i'm not improving at all. :/

following was SS and Geog paper.
SS was a total disappointment. i almost failed the paper.
SBQ was a killer, i got L1/1 for all th 6,7,8 marks qns.
SEQ helped me so i could pass. :/ im just not th SS-type of kid but i'm trying.

Geog paper was kinda okay, exactly th mark that i've expected.
i actually got a L3/5 for my lousy-use-of-own-words LORMS. HAHAHA.
that's one of th good news out of so many bad news.
but i think i can get another marks, cause th teacher nv see th point!
i'm VERY sure of tht! but Ms kok say no use, cause she cannot change th marks..
haiis, just not my day barhhs..

forgot that i actually took Chinese paper, Ms kok returned it to us.
listening was good, 20/20. but that's th only good one.
i actually ALMOST failed my Chinese!
and now, Chinese is my WORST subject compared to th rest. Sigh.
how am i supposed to take my Chinese Os this year?

next, i got back my E-maths paper.
paper 1 was horrible, all th careless mistakes were copy qns wrongly OR forgot to write 'dot'.
all are damn stupid de careless mistake uh, any1 who see.. also will laugh de.
paper 2 was better, 2 careless mistakes only, but i didn't had enuf time to complete all th qns.
well, paper 2 was generally much better thn paper 1 and theq's improvement in my E-maths.
so that's one of th better things tht happened today?
though, i think i could have gotten better results.. :/
next week is e-maths o lvl already, HOPE i can really DROP e-maths!
i don't wana go thru th e-maths process agn, and i don't wana feel demoralished.

following closely was A-maths paper.
got A2 instead of A1 this time round, but well, i'm not surprised.
cause i didn't study for it. i only read thru notes last minute in th afternoon and at night.
so well.. i'm actually not surprised tht my A-maths was bad this time round.

after that was English paper!
the paper that i'm so afraid Ms lim would read out my name, my marks and
mentioned tht i've done badly. but it didn't turn out to be this way! :)
so this is also one of th good things tht happened today.
in my history doing english compre, i got th highest in my own record.
well, if i compare with my classmates, my result won't shine.
'cause im just an average kid.
BUT HEY! i broke my own record.

and i really like Mr jamie chong marking our compo! marks are acceptable! that's why. :P
oral, i tot i did quite well, but th teacher gave little marks..
all of th girls got quite little. sigh :/
i think i can do better in summary uh, summary should be th one tht pull my marks up.
damn~ i just got an average mark fr summary this time round.

that's all for th result side.. moving on to other stuff..
Ms lim will be leaving our class for 6 months. no joke! 6 freaking months.
so she'll be back right before our prelim exams for o lvl.
i don't know why th school is playing this "joke" but it's not funny.

in addtion, they're taking away Mr teo!
THAT'S TH WORST SHIT THEY HAD EVER DECIDED.
are you kidding me?! Mr albert teo not next year 5/1's AFT?
it sucks because i know next tym Mr teo come into th class, it seems like theq's a gap alrd.
i don't want this to happen!!
somehow.. FT and AFT just got tht closer feeling with all of us.
although they might not see us every single day also, BUT just.. got a difference.
i really don't want Mr teo to leave our class.
his speech's damn sad, damn damn sad.
one quarter of th class actually cried.. haiis.
AND i want meet th parent's session with Mr teo not just Ms kok!!

i don't know how to explain, but Mr teo had been supporting me since then.
whenever i have doubts, problems and such.
he had always been theq.. he's a really good teacher!!
why can't 4/1 have our last year with th teachers we like?
it's just one more year. :'(

other thn tht, i hope some of my more-awesome classmates don't retain or drop any subjects.
because they're th reason why i carry on in class.. why i put off with all th other shits.

RIGHT NOW, i just hope that i get at least an A1 or A2 for my e-maths and chinese o lvl.
!!!!!! Chiong ah !!!!!!

Qns: Know what's th worst feeling?

Ans: Losing something that you once had. All th good memories.

Mr teo, do you really have to leave th class? :'/

Just a thought.

2011-10-18T20:41:00.003+08:00

Hey! I'm back after soooooo long~ heh!
well, life had been 50-50.
breakdowns and happiness.. hmm.

got to know few stuff this few days, lost trust in almost everybody.
even Rahim and Arshad is included.
the rest "gen bu yong" say.
haiis..

now i shall just live with it, cause i don't wana say another thing.
and people, STOP BEING NICE WHEN YOU'RE NOT.
you can just show ur damn face to me.
don't act like you appreciate me,
don't act like you had congraduate me,
don't act like you doing good for me.
CAUSE I KNOW YOU DON'T. you're just showing it.

i just wana leave th school, my current friends and be done with it.
i don't want anymore close friends cause close friends don't turn up to be close at all.
they can still backstab you anytime they want.
honestly, why frenship is so complicated. ._.
it's not like tht in primary school.
and suddenly, i miss Jooqee, Vanessa, Felicia, Leroy, Dylan and more.

just one thing for everyone to rmb..
SECRETS CAN RUIN A LOT OF THINGS BETWEEN YOU AND ME. if i found out.
don't you agree?

ah, i don't want elaborate anymore.
byebye.

:'( 09

2011-09-27T18:20:00.000+08:00

够了。。

The past.

2011-09-24T11:08:00.006+08:00

I was looking thru my old achieve.
th times we had together as a "kid", as a "lower sec".
my friend is everyone, im thankful that all of us still talk except a few.
it's nice to see th older achieve.
it's nice to see me trusting my friends so much that now i can never trust so much agn.
it's nice to see how innocent we're.
but at th same time, it hurts to see that i've trust th wrong person.

but either way, i'm still thankful for all th happiness or shit that happens.
i've grown, i've learnt.

Cya soon.

[edited]
saw this on fb, my cousin show me de.
facts about taurus! super true for some uh! :P

<<金牛座>>

1.爱咬嘴唇上的死皮；(Yes!)
2.破旧的钱想快点花掉；(Yes!)
3.喜欢抠伤口上的结痂；(Dun understand.)
4.爱挤痘痘；(Yes!)
5.吃完饭碗里一粒米不剩；(Most of th times.)

6.厌恶被人碰到身体；(Gosh, YESYESYES!)
7.剪指甲总是剪到最短；(Last tym.)
8.摆放东西非常讲究位置；
9.爱电脑、手机. (Heheh :X)
10. 爱恨分明. (Of course!)

11. 如果吵架, 没有多想,一定下一句话说的比对方更狠, 更没有退路的话. (Yes! :X)
12. 要命的自尊, 喜欢简简单单就好. ( Think so ba. :X)
13. 开心时候什么都能丢一边, 不开心时候一句话也不愿意说. (Hehe, true!)
14. 很在乎很在乎爱人，有神经质的倾向；(Also one of my weakness.)
15. 吵架了，会发很大的火，然后放下架子后会马上来哄人；(Yes, yes!!! Super true!)

16. 有好吃好玩的，都让给爱人，或许爱人根本不感兴趣；(I should change this.)
17. 很大方，舍得为爱人花钱；(Haha, kinda true? Lol :X)
18. 虽然粗心大意，但是对爱人非常上心；(I have to agree uh.. :/)
19. 不会轻易放手或放弃爱人；(Maybe ba.. :/)
20. 很热情对爱人，很明显，旁人很容易察觉到. (Ya, YJ always will find out de!)

21. 虽然脾气有点大，表面温和. (Agree with first point.)
22. 性格矛盾分裂，自尊超强. (Perhaps ba?)
23. 太现实了，认真，孤独，缺乏安全感，自闭，忧郁. (Super true!!)
24. 爱太深，比较容易受伤，受伤就选择逃避. (Quite true also leh.)
25. 喜欢乱想，想太多，爱纠结，超倔强. (Yes! YJ always scold me fr 1st & 2nd point.)

26. 浪漫而且天真，在遇到爱的时候吞吞吐吐很容易害羞，但是打死不承认. (Ya :X)
27. 严谨的作风，很容易让你感觉他们的状态奇佳，其实不是. (Haiis..)
28. 金牛们很脆弱很有责任感，很容易受到伤害后自我欺骗，需要了解金牛的人需要给予关爱.
29. 金牛爱谁，就会在他面前变得智商低下，甚至完全失去了原本的自我. (Weakness..)
30. 总是会爱错人，对自己极好的人就草草了事，殊不知自己真心爱的人. (Ya lor!!)

31. 自己心里烦恼，也不愿烦到别人，装出开心的模样. (Sometimes.. :/)
32. 太心软了. 即使自己不喜欢别人，要是被死缠烂打也会去救. (Agree with last part.)
33. 只要你是真心，金牛也会默默的承受不爱你的痛苦，最后爱上你. (Maybe..)
34. 遇到伤心事时，绝对不会像羊儿那样说哭就哭，她们没有那么洒脱，会把悲伤深深地藏在心堙强忍着，那种可怜兮兮的样子很是让人心痛的，这时她是最为脆弱的时候，如果你要是想要劝劝她，最好先准备好自己的肩膀. (Yesyes! :P)

35. 金牛在普通朋友面前很抠门，而在真正的朋友面前却大手大脚. (:D!)
36. 金牛座一半阴暗，一半忧伤，一半冷漠，一半热情. (True ba!)
37. 对生疏人无视，对不熟的人外热内冷，碰到喜欢的人反而有种疏远感. (True!)
38. 看起来傻傻的，其实是自我保护方式. (Really? Hehe.)
39. 會突然不自信；會拿不出勇氣；會假裝很快樂；會任性. (YES!)

40. 會為小小的事掉眼淚；會為小小的事興奮睡不著. (AGREE MUCH!)
41. 一直以來，我都覺得自己不夠好，我承認，我不算完美，但是我很真. (YES!)
42. 不爱就是不爱，豪不伪装. 但一旦开始认准去爱，就会宽容，付出. (Haha, yeah. :P)
43. 也很少听到他们会沉醉于菸酒赌毒之类的事情. (Confirm won't!)
44. 喜欢美食，所以不会热中减肥. (Alamak.. No wonder..)
45. 很会面对现实，说的都是实话. 而往往说实话是最伤人的，而对方也很清楚金牛说的话一点都不假. 比如对方问金牛爱不爱自己，金牛会回答“有爱过！”“后来为什么没有爱？”“你真的想听吗？”……金牛的态度会让对方很清楚的知道在继续问下去只是拿刀往自己身上插而已. (Haha, ya! I got hint one. ><)

-->Still got a lot more. 40+ more to go.. but i lazy ah :P

Cya soon :/

2011-09-01T15:58:00.001+08:00

Some kinds of bullshit.
do i look like a dog for you to command?
._.

although i love blogging, i'll stop fr a while and

get a life.

Sabaaaaaa Kaili!

2011-08-31T19:42:00.001+08:00

EH, WT* LAH!

im sick of this shit.
whatever u wana settle you settle urself, what kind of shit ._.

u think so easy?!
YOU THINK FUN AH?!
_|*

Some annoying people =.=

2011-08-30T19:20:00.000+08:00

I'm not trying to rant all these but sometimes i jus get annoyed by what some ppl do.
i mean i see no point in doing that, but why are they doing so?
okay, it's not ranting.. it's just... aiyah! it annoys me! okay?? that's it.

Dislike people who put on status scolding others then a lot people go like it.

i mean, scolding on fb DAILY?! trying to find fights on fb?
what is th most you can do? "caps locks" people's ass?
scolding once in a while to rant is okay, but daily it's like.. ass sia!
EVERYDAY got something tht people do that dis-please you?
have or don't have also keep finding faults in ppl, really don't know why ur fb's still so popular!
feel like stuffing some shits into ur mouth so that u'll stop complaining.
feel like putting ants on ur hands, so that u wouldnt have th time to sit infront of ur comp
and try to tink about th faults ppl did that day. =="
AND YOU'RE SEC4 ALRD, GROW UP LAH ._.
disgrace sec4s only!

Dislike people who say about how teachers dress up and such, and embarass teachers on fb.

i mean afterall, THEY'RE STILL YOUR TEACHERS.
and you still have to give them th basic respect.
who are you to judge ppl's outfit?
seriously, you tink u dress up very well? ._.
maybe next tym when u grow up, even worst thn them.
so just shut ur mouth up and study fr ur test!

Dislike people who keep trying to post to embarass others or scold them.

i don't know why you still get many likes! but i tink it's pure insensitive. ._.
they didn't do anything to you, thn u keep saying all these!
you never learn, you know -.-

Th big difference.. (spot it!)

2011-08-30T17:50:00.002+08:00

Do you know what's th difference between all these photos?
theq is a very big difference that you guys can never be able to see.. :/

if you think you know, so pm, tag or sms me! :)

Nightmare + Clique outing!

2011-08-29T22:20:00.001+08:00

Love God so much, ♥ ♥ ♥

Yesterday.
i cried so hard yesterday..
nobody will never know how much it hurts, to ___________.
i had been really abnormal these days. i stop talking to everyone much..

so this is how it goes like..
after seeing something/experiencing something, i was speechless.
i saw it arnd 5pm.. and all th way till 12am, i didn't say a word.
cause i dunoe what to say.. :/
i tink my dad noticed, so he drove me to handsome cousin's house.

at theq, i sit in their living room..
big cousin tried to talk to me but they can definetly see that i wasn't in any mood to talk.
so after a while, handsome cousin and big cousin bought me downstairs to walk walk..
and after that, we went to have some seafood..

i know they tried very hard to cheer me up but.. i just dunoe what to say..
they helped me order my fav drink and serve it too me.
and i just smile with a mumbled thankyou.
after that, dad, mum and sis joined us fr dinner at arnd 830pm. i know it's late..
they were all chatting happily except fr me. :/
i jus sat theq and stare at th empty plates after our meals.

went back to their house agn, this tym..
i stood by handsome cousins' window.. and look outside th buildings.
and somehow it reminds me of Ryan's house view.
omg, im alrd this sad, and that is like double attack. gosh!
not trying to say that i still like Ryan cause i don't,
but it just feels like.. i cant do anything right.. everything i do, is always wrong..

handsome cousin came and talk to me but i just smiled. that's all.
stayed in their house till 12++am and it's at bukit batok..
feel like telling my dad to let me head home on my own..
but i know it's not possible..
so i sat in th car once agn, headphones on.. and headed home..
finally, when i hear th song "bu wan mei" thn tears started to roll.
"bu wan mei" makes me cry cause im really too imperfect, and i don't like it. :'(
but i tell myself i cannot be like tht..

so i went home, cried myself to sleep immediately..
and woke up with 2 golden fish's swollen eyes.
but i know, God's plan is to give me hope and a future, not to harm me! :)
ohyeah, luckily, th clique's outing photos still turn out nice!

okay, let's touch on clique's outing.
(i think Kaili is so cute! ^^)

Clique outing (today).
reached cwp at 1050, Kaili is early yo.
was about to sms th 3 of them to boost how early i am..
thn saw Linglin's sms. :( she can't go.
all of us kinda sad for a moment, but we decided to get her something since she can't go..
so YJ and me got earrings fr her! :)

before that, th mrt trip was kinda hilarious..
th guy behind YJ kept starring at me, perhaps too pretty! hahah jkjk!
thn i felt super uncomfortable de, so ask YJ to cover him :)
after that took photos, and saw Rapchael.
he's kinda hot now, but too bad..
we aren't close anymore, it's so awkward seeing him though :/
he alighted at Khatib, so heng ah!! ^^

so we continued our way to bugis!
brought new bag, earrings and such! :)
YJ brought new clothes, sigh.. didn't see much shirt that i like this trip..
like all, ppl buy alrd.. thn if i buy would be like "copy" and i dont like it :/
well, nvm! next tym i'll be faster thn them! ^^
hope Linglin can join us th next tym!

overall, i'll rate this bugis trip 8/10? quite fun! :)

Ying and me! Kaili's still so cute! :P

Jasmine and me! Kaili's still so cute! :P

She's so cute!!! hahaha, i mean Kaili. :P

Some random points.

2011-08-27T20:48:00.001+08:00

HAHHAHAA. this is so funny! wonder you guys face this problem a lot?
wouldn't it be like super awkward if a stranger die die also want to pee beside u?
HAHAHHHA. luckily girls aren't like this.. we don't peep at each other. LOL!

okay, now.. touch on serious matter.
was rather free, hoping arnd facebook.. came to few girls' profile..
they're those who got kicked out of school or what.
they're pretty, yes. and they get many likes on fb, yes.
but in real life, they still look normal and if they were to post pictures w/o make up,
it would still be like any one of us..

what i really wana say is.. in their photos,
i see them going out with big guys, clubbing and such.
wouldn't it be wasting their lifes? wasting their parents' money?
i mean if they're matured enuf to find a boyfr and go clubbing.
shouldn't they be matured enuf to give themselves more respect?
and shouldn't them be matured enuf to live life properly?
like earn $ fr their parents and such?
sigh, although it doesn't really concern me whether they do well or not..
but it's just kinda sad, how they live their life in a wrong sense of "fun".
hope they'll understand it soon..

**CAN'T WAIT TO GO BUGIS WITH CLIQUE.
it should be fun and awesome right?!
plus plus, new stuff to be brought. HURRAY!

Love, Kaili.

2011-08-26T19:02:00.000+08:00

There's a big difference between how people treat me in th past then now.
some changes fr th good, some changes fr th bad.
woke up in th morning at 5am today, and i started to think a lot.
i don't feel sad, cx when i tink about it, i still smile..
but somehow or rather, i miss that kind of feeling when im still friend with them.. a lot!

first, Koh Chin Sheng!
i miss him to th max! first week of Jan 2011 till now, i haven't seen him agn..
:( i lost his number so i couldn't sms him to check on him too. sigh..
ahhh! miss th fact that he treated me so well,
actualli, im so blessed to injured myself in STC 2010 :P hahah!
no seriously! :P was treated likaaaaa princess!
he cook-ed food and asked Jonathan Kua to pass it to me,
cause he tot if Jonathan does that, i would be happier.
hahah, nice thought of him. but im not into Jon Kua. LOL.
i rather Mr koh chin sheng pass to me himself :P

it feels rather scary to think back..
th thought of Thomas and him fighting to give concerns.
but it's just so niceeeeeee! memories (Y)

second, Danial Rayn!
during th april month, he's so close to me..
seriously, he start chat in fb, then concerns/helps and everything.
even play th kind of jokes that you will never believe that he said that!
because most ppl tink that he is those kind of people who won't give a damn.
but he's really nice! ^^
now, we're not so close anymore.. idk why..
it's kinda sad but i guess, i shall just live with it.
at least i can still smile cx it happens!

third, just something i wana say..
it's like i wan to ask a question badly but im afraid of th ans.
like for example i were to ask.. should i throw away my bolster, i'll listen to ur advice..
and that person says yes.
it's that kind of fear. damn.
what should i do? im so afraid :/

something not related at all, just a random thought..
i have believed in love since i was little.
blame fairy tales that always end with the prince and princess living happily ever after.
everything always ends well.
the princess always gets rescued, and the bad guys never win
but I grew out of this fantasy after some time.

in real life, there are break-ups and not-so-happy endings.
there isn’t just one witch who could ruin your fairy tale, there are lots.
and they wear pretty dresses too, just like you.
and no woman should just sit around in a bad situation and
wait for her knight in shining armor to rescue her.
in real life, most of the time.. you only have yourself to count on.

They are much better off without me.

2011-08-25T19:46:00.000+08:00

I realised people are much better off w/o me.
but as long as it's better fr them, im willingly to do anything.
it seems like 439 and Rahim is jus so much better off without me.
i just hope that they receive th best.

tht's all im gonna do.
i wana talk so badly, but i know i can't..
cx it would be better fr him.
go ahead people, keep going, keep shining :')

2011-08-24T19:48:00.000+08:00

Hey boy, you got no reasons to hate me.
let's get back to friends.
it's been months and i've forgiven you, it's also time fr u to stop hating.
rmb, you ONCE see something good in me.
______________________________________________________________

I cry so hard infront of th comp yesterday.
i won't deny anything and yes.. it's because of misunderstanding agn :/
and th feeling is terrible.
i tried to explain but th other party jus refused to listen :/
it sucks i swear esp it's one of my closest friend, Rahim.

he sent a rather harsh sms aft he misunderstood what i say.
i know it must be me phrasing th words wrongly..
but when he don't believe that i didn't mean it tht way, it hurt me a lot.
it's like what i always do, he didn't see.. thn he accuse me jus because i use th wrong words.
it sucks and i just hate myself even more right now,
and i tok even lesser right now..

all these painful experiences just builds up and changed me into a monster.
ice-hearted kaili :'\
_________________________________________________________________

Hey girl. yes, as you have guessed we've drifted.
i stop talking to you or started to give you cold reply.
i dun exactly know why am i like this too.
but i guess we'll never be th same agn.

as you know, i stop being mean to you or joke with you..
and you know it more thn anyone else tht if i stop doing tht = not close friend anymore.
but something you can be happy about.
i don't dislike you, and im okay..
it's just tht i have nth to talk to you anymore.

i don't like how you do things..
but i won't change you, cx you are who you are..
cx i duno wad can i say to u anymore.
i feel speechless...

let's just be normal friends. :)

I'm just saying.

2011-08-22T18:42:00.001+08:00

Suddenly, im reminded of something agn.
if you don't respect my privacy, im not going to respect you either.
what did you say before? anything can tell you?
how to tell you things when this kind of little and easy things to not spread is also spreaded?
how? how am i supposed to tell you anything from now on?

i respected ur privacy! i kept ur stuff fr so long.. arnd a year!
and what i told you last month was spreaded out alrd?
so fast?!
im not scare, because i've done nothing wrong.
but using people's privacy to gain others' fun/love is damn "jian".

i hope you won't do it agn.
if you don't know, i can tell you.. it's not fun!

thank you very much.
___________________________________________________________

hey people,
**today's post below :)

Many post into one~

2011-08-22T17:16:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i laid on my bed, cause i don't feel like doing anything :/ hehe :/
well, today is just like this..
i don't feel like doing anything, indeed.. kinda hurt.
omg, why why why?! after exam thn i start to think agn.
gosh, i have to stop all these negative thoughts by... SHOPPING.
hmm, i believe that's a pretty good idea :P

okay, quite a number of stuff to post about and will end of with my husband's tall figure today!
hehe, i know you guys can't wait :P hehe! :X
hmm, let me start with Mr zakir.
i don't care who hates him because he's biased or what,
i respect him a lot! i see him as someone who try his best to be nice.
i trust him that he's not biased, not because my ss result came out well or what..
but i believe that he didn't mark according what subjects we take.
he just mark without looking at th names. i believe. really believe.

he once told th geog students that one of a lower sec NT girl
just came up to him and punched him.
as a teacher, im sure he can afford to sue the students or give her pink form.
but Mr zakir did either of these.
he said, why make her parents pay th lawyers fr something their daughter do using their money?
and he just let that girl go..
i mean like.. if it's other tcher.. (excluding mr teo)
confirm will get angry, give pink form, call parents, tell Mdm soh.
but he didn't! and i really respect him.
he really meet th quote saying "a good person in a bad world".

another thing that i respect him is when.. our class gets super noisy..
he won't flare up.. i can see how much he try to get our attention..
i respect him because he has a virtue i don't have.. patient! :)
so don't judge him just because you feel like he's not good.
**this post is just to help him clear his name for ppl who don't like him.
_________________________________________________________________

Next story, one day before phy paper.. something big happened.
maybe to you is not big, but to me.. i think it's big.
for me, if my mum throw away my bolster, i will cry fr days! really!
my mum almost threw my bolster today because she say it's dirty alrd..
luckily she didn't.. cause today's a not-so-good day :/
and if she reli threw it away today, im very sure that i will cry non-stop :/

well, this story goes like this..
my bro alway likes to steal my sis' bolster.
so on that day, my sis flared up and scratched my bro.
my bro got so angry and pull her out of th room into th living room.
of course, my sis will cry.. and at this tym my mum shouted "what happened?"
thn when she found out it's about my bro stealing my sis' bolster AGAIN.
my mum took th bolster and open th gabarge bin.
my sis immediately kneeled down and begged my mum not to throw.
this scene really hurt me a lot.
i know how precious a bolster can be especially when you're upset.
maybe not fr you guys, but fr me..

but of cx, my mum still threw it away to prevent it frm happening agn.
throughout this whole event, i just keep quiet..
after that, to show his anger, my bro still pull her to cut her nails or
he will cut it fr her. so at this tym..
my sis took th nail cutter and cut her nails.
i was freaking angry and im so glad i shouted back at my bro.
i shouted at th top of my voice, i bet level 1 ppl can hear.
louder thn how i commanded in np or scold ppl in np.
i was really angry.

i asked my sis not to cut her nails and return to th room.
shouted and rebut until my bro slams his bedroom door..
and because of this, i didn't talk to him fr a day!
he makes my sis lose a damn bolster! th feeling sucks!
so my sis went back to her room and cried..
i went in and my tears rolled down, because im sad too..
i told her not to cry and gave her a bear to hug..
it's like losing someone important.
bolster seems to be th top few important things in my life.

i know my bolster is leaving me soon..
since my sis one alrd left her..
my mum says mine is dirty alrdy, but i don't want to throw.
i will really feel damn sad.
i love my bolster. :'/
_______________________________________________________________

439;
I'm sad today.. because of you..
you did something horrible today, but it's okay..
because it doesn't hurt you now! :/

439;
不想再期待什么。。
如果现在开口，又如何挽留？
___________________________________________________________________

BE JEALOUS PEOPLE AT HIS TALL FIGURE. HAHAHHAHAHA!
love my husband loads!! ^^

Funny yo! Hope you guys smile! ^^

2011-08-20T20:17:00.002+08:00

SO SO TRUE!
now you know why i am here instead of revising a-maths! damn! ><
don't lie, some of you are like to too! >:P hehe!

i just can't help it! grr! imma a pro slacker ._.

Yeah lah! when you(teacher) know im not listening, you shouldn't call me. hehe.
cause i no raise my hands!! hehe.
* love th way this picture say it.. th broken eng is cool! *

Yeah lah! at night try to sleep, so long cannot sleep.
thn morning, th bed suddenly so comfortable! LOL!
_________________________________________________________

okay, now say this broken english(asian) language.
it's really cool! credits to th person who posted this so im so-called reblogging. :)

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want.
Asian : No Stock.**

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?
Asian : Hello, who call?**

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY .
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Asian : S-kew me.

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Asian : No-need lah.**

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter?
Asian : (pointing the door) can ar?**

WHEN ENTERTAINING FRIENDS IN YOUR HOUSE
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Asian : Don't shy lah!**

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Asian : Where got?**

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Asian : Don't want la...**

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from.
Asian : You mad, ah?**

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice?
Asian : Shut up lah!**

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Asian : See what, see what?**

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Asian : Die-lah!!**

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Asian : Wat happen why like that....**

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you,
Asian : Like that also don't know how to do!!!!**

all the ** one sound so Jianxiong!
HAHHAA, serious sia! all he got say before except th skew meee~~
btw, this is how all of us speak..(asian countries)
i find it rather efficient and effective.. cause straight to th point. haha!

cya people!
all th best fr amaths tmr!
:D

keep going 439!

things will get well eventually :)

Cya soon! ^^

2011-08-11T18:27:00.000+08:00

Yes, regret doesn't change a thing :/

Hey guys! i'll leave this blog for a moment.
now i update in another blog ah, and i update theq like 4-5 times a day ><
hehe. so this blog... i'll only be back after comment test! ^^
ps ah >< like my other blog much more now.. hehe.

will be back soon!
goodluck fr yr CT2! :D

Haiis, :(

2011-08-10T10:37:00.000+08:00

It really does matter..
if it doesn't matter, i wouldn't tell anyone of you or get so upset. :/
i totally screw up my entire life.
Lord, pls help me :'/

Totally :'(

It's all a mistake.

2011-08-09T10:55:00.003+08:00

I screwed up my whole life.
it's me.. it's really me.. :/

yesterday night was one of th worst night this year..
worser than th night when He and I decided not to be friends.
worser than th day i felt tht Ms kok was unreasonable.
worser than th night YJ told me tht incident tht happened long ago.
worser than th night i cried fr my clique.
worser than those nights memories flashed back.
worser than all of these night. sigh..

i know Arshad will say it right into my face something tht i had been hiding away from.
but in th end, i still decided to text him.
because common test is coming and i don't wana be affected.
ohwell, but at this stage.. i think i would be affected. LOL :/
well, somehow or rather Arshad jus got to know what happened.
and th second text he sent me was torturing, because all th things i dun wana admit comes out.
after reading just half of th sms, i screamed so hard but of course covered with blanklet..
i wouldn't wan my family to know abt this..
aft screaming, i jus broke down and stopped reading th sms.
calmed myself down and read it agn..
tears just flowed like "non-stoppable" tap water..

at th wrong time, Eve and some other people sms-ed me abt hmwks and such.
tried my best to reply so tht none of them noticed what happened.
but th feeling sucks, really.
wrong sms-es at th wrong time. :/

i don't know how to describe ytd's night.
but it was really th worst.. cried fr more than 40mins.
and broke my damn record this year.
from Rahim's sms, i can see tht he's damn worried.
but i can't help it, i was so lost yesterday night, dunoe what to do..
so i finally told all of them tht i was about to sleep..
but th actual fact was.. my eyes were damn dry and it feels like it's coming off ANYTIME!
i didn't had this painful feeling in my eyes before.
have, but not so much..
after putting eye drop and eye lotion, it doesn't help at all..
ytd was one of this night.

so i closed my eyes, and decided not to cry anymore or else i'll turn blind anytime..
but somehow or rather, without thinking of anything..
tears just streamed down my face non-stop..
i realised i wouldn't stop crying even if im not thinking..
so, i jus let it be.. and when i cried until i was tired alrd.. i naturally fell asleep.

woke up super earlier.. as early as 7am..
looked in th mirror, and my eyes was super swollen.
put eye gel around eyes, and eye drop into eyes hoping in th morning..
my eyes will get better and hopefully my heart will be filled with love agn.

indeed at 930am, felt so much better.
thank You God. it would be worst, if You aren't by my side.

i still refuse to talk right now.. not refused to.. but just don't want to :'(
i dunoe how long will this last..
maybe not in school or what, but if i stop talking..
i hope tht all of you won't talk to me.. just wana be in my own world awhile..
just a while.. till i get better :'|

Multiple thoughts.

2011-08-08T21:38:00.006+08:00

Yes Ryan, i don't know why you hate me right now.
but i don't dislike you anymore.
because thinking back, you were my friend.
and you were because once i see something good about you.
i hope you won't hate me anymore and..
one day, we'll find enuf space fr friendship. :')
[END]

Today sucks, i don't know why.. but it sucks.
i feel like running away to somewheq, stable my emotions thn come back here.
almost cried 3 times, then finally cried once. but i tink at night will cry one more time.
it's kinda sad when theq's something i reli reli wana say but cannot tell any of my friends.
~~Cheayee, Hongze, Yangtin, Jasmine, Yingjing, Linglin, Rahim, Jianxiong, Minxian, Chanel.~~
all cannot :'( not because i don't trust them..
but i just can't seems to open up to tell them th thing tht had been bothering me fr weeks.
and tht kind of feelings sucks. wonder if you guys had before a not.

btw, shall not spoil th mood first.. wana to post about today's outing..
cause tht's th only abit happier ting i've experienced today :)
celebration was not fun, because i kept tinking about other stuff.
actualli Jas saw me in tears but i insisted tht i was yawning..
anw.. YJ's performance was nice, cool max girl! good job! :D
aft tht went to cwp, saw a stalker ._.
oh well, forget it.. no mood to care abt th stalker.

pei YJ to buy her cake then mrt-ed to amk with Linglin and Jas.
had pepper lunch, WOAH! th queue is damn longgg. lol!
but we still queued. haha~
finally it's our turn, yum yum!
both Linglin and Jas say nice! woots, thanks to princess Kaili :P

aft tht we walked around amk, finally bought KOI.
large ice cream milk tea, yum yum~ :D
shared with Linglin, so cheaper fr both of us ^^
then mrt-ed back to w'lands. tht Linglin v bad sia, lie to me say CQ very far :(
actualli to me, quite close leh.. shld have went myself :( sigh..

loiter arnd w'lands area thn finally decided to go Jas' hse to play.
played hippo folo-ed by GameOfLife!
it's so fun! esp th last round..
although i won 2nd with Albert th first round, it wasn't so fun..
although i won 1st with Tery th second round, it wasn't so fun..
i lost and only had 70k while Linglin and Jas have more thn 500k
but i'm happy cause it's with 439♥!
tht's all, thanks girls fr today.
hope tht YJ can join us th next tym. ^^
[END]

Fr everything tht's happening in my life right now.
i really hate this rule! really!
some people really hurt me too much, i wana 防抗, i wana show them tht im angry.
but i can't! just because of this rule tht says.. i can't use this as an excuse to hurt others..
no matter how much i wana hurt people who hurt me, i won't.
because God doesn't want me to do tht..
He wants me to forgive them, pray fr them and do good to them.
and i'll because i owe God so much :'(
and sometimes tht feeling tht i need to "ren" all th hates sucks.
but i know i'll make it through.. 'cause God loves me.

they all say God won’t give you anything you can’t handle.
so i don’t know if i should be happy ‘cause God thinks i’m strong enough
OR i should be sad ‘cause God trusts me too much. :/
___________________________________________________________

tommorrow will be better right? :'|

days like these feel like hell.
it's been quite long since i've last cried over minor issues and
suddenly i just let everything i shouldn't be thinking about strike me.
and now i'm hurt, scar-red, exhausted.

well, today is a day i locked myself inside my bedroom..

listening to music with my head on the table.

i thought i'd feel better after crying them all out

but it's been a few hours and there's still this emptiness in my heart,

waiting so longingly for someone to come by and fill it up with love again.

sometimes i wish there was someone i could always look for..

when I'm in need of a listening ear.

someone who doesn't mind me burying myself in his/her..

just to cry and cry and cry.

someone who doesn't really know me, but cares enough to listen.

sometimes in the middle of the night I just really need to talk to someone

but everyone's asleep, offline, busy.

so i'd just lay in bed letting those issues bother me

and wait for my alarm to go off,

indicating that within an hour i'd be in school

where I'm always happy and hyped up and annoying,

that girl who calls your name in class a million times just to say hi.

still, another day would pass and

i'm pretty sure I would feel okay in school or tomorrow. As always.

maybe someday i'd be numb.
someday this will be just a vague memory. someday...

But right now, I just really need a hug so badly. :'(
[END]

439♥

wana tell you so badly..

Guys :/

2011-08-05T19:10:00.003+08:00

Eve said that she dislike a lot of people now..
but i tink my case is far more worst thn her.
i really dislike almost all th guys, sigh.. even if idk them.
idk wad's wrong with me, grr.

and don't know when, i stopped acting like a girl infront of them.
i eat like how i want, talk like how i like, and sometimes..
theq comes to a point wheq i feel like talking to them are worthless.
it doesn't applies fr all th guys.. but most of th guys :/

as usual, today started off badly, real bad.
argument with my mum thn left th hse fr school.
reached school, Damith came to questioned me as if i did something damn wrong.
OH PLS. I GOT MY OWN REASONS. I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT TO U.
im really sick of explaining or even talking to guys.
i rather let them misunderstand me eh. seriously.
just don't want them to talk to me. sigh..

thought i would tink tht Tery's cute fr long..
but ytd, i tink tht he's quite flirt so i didn't tink tht he's cute anymore.
well.. it's a normal ting.. guys are always flirt..
it's expected.. so im not sad ah~ :/

and whenever, Eve told me tht theq's class outing, idk if i wana go..
sometimes i'll feel like.. haiis, don't feel like going.
if you know me well, im a person who likes to hang out.
but sometimes class outings just make me feel kinda disgusting. :/
i rather have girls' outing. :/

well, today aft school, went out with Cheayee.
was kinda awesome :)) shopped arnd..
pepper lunch was really nice compared to th first tym i tried it!
love it man! feel like having it tmr agn~ ♥

came home, mum told me a bad news.
Mr faizal called my hse and my mum told her i went to shop.
okay, laugh people laugh. i know you don't care, so you can jus laugh it off.
i'll settle it myself.
(ok, psps. recently i had just been like tht, disliking ppl.. well..)

do you people feel tht im not me anymore?
idk :/ do update me.
[END]

439♥,
you're th only one i wana clear my misunderstanding with.
i don't know when or how can we really sit down and sort out th misunderstand.
it was all a trick~ :/ sigh..
[END]

Beautiful dream about my memories. :)

2011-08-04T18:17:00.014+08:00

No matter how much you wana deny this, you can't.
always. when something happen and you say let's just stay as friend..
you'll never talk again. hmm. not really nvr talk forever..
but a few months or years to overcome ba..
and when u finally let go of everything and wana be friends agn,
it's hard and awkward.. because you guys had not been chatting fr months or even years.

Had a dream about somethings and someone last night.
woke up feeling guilty to dislike th person :/ well..
maybe God answered my prayer, because i said i don't wan to hate tht person anymore..
so.. God must be th one who grant me this dream to forgive this person.
let me summarise this dream k?
cause it's a beautiful dream and im afraid as time past, i'll forget it.

let me introduce th character.
mainly is about th character named J.
but why did i went to find J? because of a stalker named T. (both real life friends.)
**alphabet not according to their name, so stop guessing!

i dunoe how,
but T, someone else(can't rmb who bt it's a girl) and me went to have dian xin at arnd 4pm.
tht someone said she's leaving so i said i need to leave too as
i don't want to spent time alone with T.
T is not close to me at all, dunoe why T came into th picture.
so my this girl de fren need to leave urgently.. then i wandered arnd th shopping mall.
saw T and this T started to stalk me. oh gosh.
dream also dream until T stalking..
aft tht we sort of 'played' hide-n-seek.

i ran arnd nervously, turned my head and saw T coming towards me.
at this time, i saw J working theq as a sales person.
J seems to be enjoying/laughing away till J saw me.
J quickly looked away and pretended not to notice me.
of course i felt hurt uh, cause we used to be close but tht's not th point.
i grabbed J's hand, with tears in my eyes.. i asked J to help me.
J did not speak a word, then it jumped to th scene when
T saw J and me sitting down on th floor.
J asked T what he want, T had no choice but to say nth and left.
i heaved a sigh of relief, and of course.. really thankful to J.

i was really scared when i know T was stalking..
aft tht, hugged J tightly and told J that
i actualli regreted disliking J and saying harsh words to J aft tht incident.
th best part is, J also hugged me too. Tht kind of feeling i haven't had fr so long.
th last and most impt part was.. J and i decided to be friends agn. :)
[TH END OF MY DREAM]

Summary:
J and i still aren't friends in real life, but this dream made me not dislike J anymore.
because once, i see a lot of things good about J, tht's why we became friends.
and this dream also tells me that..
although J dislike me now, J will still help me if i ask fr J's help.
[END]

Side track a bit, today went to class.. got a bit upset.
my table was all messed up, books were placed on my chair instead.
i knew it was not accident cx th book was placed in a way tht..
it can't be accidencial(if theq's such a term).
th first thing tht came over my mind was
J somehow jus got into my class and messed my table.

so you see, i woke up happily with tht beautiful dream,
yet went to school and suddenly tot tht J was th one who did it. just kinda sucks right?
hmm.. today started off really badly. oh well..
"let it be", cause i'll not dislike J anymore even if J is th one who did it.
_________________________________________________________________

HAPPERII BIRTHDAY

BELOVED JANG KEUN SUK BOYFR ♥
LOVE YOU TO TH MAX!
stay beautiful and cute~ love you~!

439♥, yes you would.
'cause until now.. you still don't know tht i was tricked to leave you.
[END]

现在你会不会想起我？

2011-08-03T17:20:00.003+08:00

:)
Today's an okay day, despite th fact tht Tery didn't smile at me :/
Mr teo came into th class with a piece of good news,
this is why i love Mr teo more thn any our tcher i have.
he's always there, and i thank God for this good tcher of mine. :)
[END]

439♥,
you shld continue to listen to th songs i asked you to. :)

Your post is always th last in my post, but tht doesn't mean tht u're any less impt.
it's just that, i like to end my post with you..
cause you make me happy :)

It’s nice when people like you
‘cause of your good traits, but it’s even nicer when they accept you,
despite the fact that you’re not perfect and you can be annoying at times. :)
thankyou! ^^ ♥

Summary:
i’m not the kind of person who will chase someone who has decided to walk away.
people have different reasons for leaving, and whatever they may be,
they probably weigh more than my worth to that person.

because really, if someone wants you in their life,
they will always have a reason to stay.
mayb it's not tht you don't want me in ur life,
it's because i took too long to realised what i was feeling :/

也许你找到一个人为你守候，忘了我。
也好吧。。:/

Today~

2011-08-02T19:30:00.001+08:00

Last tym.. not now.
today was so disappointed with you.
i asked sukbak to stop bullying you, and this is how u repay me?
sarcasm? fine.
i know you hate me now. but hey, who was th one who cause me to hate you?
i have to hate you in order to forget you.
DON'T YOU GET IT?
2 months of struggling, i've just decided to let everything go..
th way you use ur sarcasm on me today sucks.
today's a bad day.. you just make it worst.
now i need another few more days to forgive you, and forgive what you did.
thanks a lot. t(o.ot)
[END]

439, idk what's ur reason fr changing tht..
dunoe it's good or bad..
but it's kinda sad :'( i put in so much effort. sigh..

If you’re reading this.. I just want you to know that I’m here for you.
If you need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to send me a message.
[END]

Summary:
You can’t force other people to care about your troubles
when they don’t want to get involved.
besides, some things are too personal that you can’t just let them out in the open.
there are things you have to keep to yourself, just yourself.
and it's hard ‘cause you have to handle ‘em all alone.
you smile to hide the pain, but deep inside,
all you want is for someone to notice that you really aren’t okay,
that behind that beautiful smile, you’re hurting.

But most of the time though, no one notices.
everyone gets fooled with that fake happiness of yours.

Many posts.

2011-08-01T16:52:00.003+08:00

Eh you! Th stalker!
i really don't like how you copy me.
i don't wana dislike you, so pls don't force me to.
hate it when you copy my stuff, movements and etc.
go be urself and stop being stalker-like and i'll be your fren.
really dislike people not being themselves.
they look fake to me, idk why.
my personality dislikes people who are not themselves. oh well..
[END]

I don't think you would ever be able to find me agn.
once i start avoid you, i'll never let you find me agn.
i can't really rmb how i started to avoid you, but somehow or rather..
i still rmb a bit ah~

dunoe it's just me or what, i just feel tht whatever things i tell you..
will end negative.. so it's better if i don't say anything to you.
after tht, i became more and more into th way tht you look down on me or what.
idk, but th words you use.. always always hurtful.
some little compliment will just help, but each and every time..
you must say something negative to "qi" me.

but i won't hate you, cause im not allowed to :)
i'll still be your friend, but just normal friend.
[END]

439 ♥
*th picture speaks everything*

-.-

2011-07-29T18:49:00.001+08:00

Th worst part of being betrayed, it's tht it's from a friend.
I DON'T CARE WHO THE FK ARE YOU.
IF YOU DARE, STAND IN FRONT OF ME
AND SAY U'RE TH ONE WHO SENT TO MS KOK.

I DON'T CARE WHO ARE U, CAUSE U'RE JUST A TINY PIECE OF SHIT IN MY EYES.
I KNOW IT'S SOMEONE IN OUR CLASS, DEFINATELY.
IF U'VE GOT A PROBLEM, TELL ME.
DON'T STAB ME IN TH BACK.
FUCKER.

:'( hurt.

2011-07-27T22:03:00.003+08:00

I HATE EXAMS.
"don't be afraid to try",
really? i keep trying and trying but i just won't succeed :'(
i hate exams not because of th stress but because of th stupid result i'll produce.
not tht i'll care so much for my result, but..
behind my back, theq's always.. God and my family whom i dont wana let down.
i wana my parents being able to say, my daughter has done great fr her test.
i'm so called studying to make God and my parents proud, BUT I DON'T CARE.
i'll do anything fr them because w/o them im nth :'(

Mr teo once asked me, "ur parents give you a lot of pressure ah?"
~i told him no, i wana get good result myself.~
it just hurts so much.
don't feel like expressing my feelings to anyone.
on blog, i can type and cry..
but when i tok to my friends, they won't really sense anything unless i tell them?

I said watch me, then i fell straight away..
how can i ever believe tht i'll do well ever agn :'(
should i just give up?

How i wish you're still with me :'(
I REALLY FEEL I SUCKS TO TH CORE.

2011-07-26T11:54:00.000+08:00

:'( yesterday.
_________________________________________________________

TODAY.
Prelim e-maths paper 1 was quite terrible. x.X!
and thanks YJ for th pens! :)

It's not easy.

2011-07-23T21:28:00.000+08:00

HONESTLY, if you have nothing else to say, DON'T SAY anything!
do y'all think it's SO EASY to not look back at things?
what?! talking to me with ur noble words?

it's NOT EASY AT ALL ok.

YOU PEOPLE SEEMS FEELING-LESS TO ME.
NO GUILT, NO SHAME, NO SYMPATHNESS.

seriously, hate talking to people now.
don't know it's me or what.
maybe im jus more and more lika bitch.

A short post.

2011-07-22T21:54:00.004+08:00

Hmm, just a short post to keep you guys entertained alright.
btw, if you read my blog, pls do leave a tag,
don't make me feel like im toking to myself. LOL.

so basically, straight after school, i went home, showered
and met Amaalina, Hafiza, Hasz and Syuhada.
did some maths then Eve brought my subway cookies, thanks man!
did maths, chatted here and theq, arnd 3+pm..
Amaalina, Hafiza and Syuhada left. Leaving Eve, Xiaoyu, Hasz, Darlene and me.
so we did some work, of course we did chat haha!
but overall it's quite productive.
Hasz went arnd 630pm and th rest of us chatted till 7pm before we head to cwp fr dinner.
ate at LJS, chatted about advice and stuff :)

we then go near civic centre theq de "garden", chatted.
had a really good laugh :) talked about random facts and funny moments.
kinda bonded with them, a lot more. heh!

Darlene's fren came over, and I went home with Eve.
did something stupid, but it's okay, at least Eve laughed :')
really love her a lot :/
___________________________________________________________

Baob,

为什么当时你没有解释？:/

And if God gives you to me again,

I swear I’ll love you right :')

Eelx

2011-07-20T22:18:00.000+08:00

And so what if they know?
they'll never understand how you feel inside.
even if they do, to them.. it might just be a little thing.
to you, it might be th whole world.
sometimes they will try to console you, tell u tht it's just a little thing.
but they don't realised IF IT'S JUST a little thing, you wouldn't even need them to console you.

this is one of th reason why i stop sharing things with ppl.
first, some ppl dont reali care.
second, so what if you tell someone else, will they be able to help?
third, it doesnt lessen th burden.
________________________________________________________

Yes, you guys may ask, why am i digging all th old achieves in my life.
BECAUSE THEY'RE IMPORTANT FOR MY FUTURE.
i reli did a lot of wrong moves in my life.
one more wrong move, things will get worst.
who will ever understand this feeling? :'(

everywheq i go, North, South, East, West in Spore, i'll meet you.
one of my fren said it's fate, she said tht i'll still go back to u in time to come.
im just saying.. ok enuf of all these.

why is it tht when i dont need someone, tht person needs me.
when i need someone, tht person dont need me anymore.
and when we finally wan ea other,
something HAVE to come up and mess things up?

you waited, i neglected, you continued waiting.
you wan me, i didnt know, you continue waiting.
you wan me, i didnt know, i wan you.
you wan me, i didn't know, you moved on.
i realised, you moved on, you neglected.
you realised, i didn't know, you waited.
i didn't know, i moved on, you realised.
i didn't know, i'm confused, i dunoe what to do :/

360 degree turn, when will we meet each other agn?

2 different rants.

2011-07-18T20:28:00.003+08:00

I have exactly 30mins to finish posting this post!
**i think okay ah, cx my texting and typing speed increases A LOT when im mad.
i need to rant about 2 things.
one on th lady i ranted about few days ago.
another one on one of my friend. :/

i'll start with th one about th lady barhhs.
here it goes....

Dear lady,

i need someone who won't give up on me.
understand?! and you're definetely someone who has given up on me.
why?! why aren't you teaching me?
cause i am too good? OBVIOUSLY NO.
i really wana know, why..

is it because you know, even if you spend less tym on me, i'll still study?
is it tht u're helping th top students just because you wana get ur bonus?
is it tht u're helping ur weaker students just because
u dunwana get urself into trouble and miss ur bonus?
why aren't you caring about those who's result are average?
DID YOU REALISED THT THEY'RE ON TH VERGE OF GIVING UP?
DID YOU REALISED THT UR WORDS HURT US DEEPLY?
DID YOU REALISED THT WE TRIED SO HARD
BUT STILL HAVE QNS THT WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO SOLVE?
did you realised and not care?
or did you not realise? i really don't know.

you said tht v.p is irresponsible but hey, he left us CAUSE he know he cant do a good job.
i think you're more irresponsible cx you can't help us yet dunwana let go of us,
i know you tried hard but some of us just need longer time.
some of us are just not so smart! not tht we're not hardworking you understand anot?!
both my mum and Mr teo agreed tht im slow in learning but im hardworking.
i dont know if it's true, but when it comes to exam, die die i also will study.

i just want you to know, im not smart but i want a job tht can give my parents a good life.
im not talented, but i want to honour God and my parents.
im not like some of my frens but im trying my best.
im not a fast learning but i wan to learn. :'(
on top of all these, i wan to give up but I CAN'T.
cause there's people arnd me whom i wana honour, whom i wana serve.

xxx says: Those who are still slacking and not doing proper revision..
Hmm.. I also don't know what to say.
I just wana say, most of them aren't. you just give up on them. :'(

if we want to turn over a new leaf? why don't you wan to give us th chance?
stop treating good only when you're happy.
we're still humans, we still have feelings!

Love,
Kaili.
_________________________________________________________________

Dear Friend,

Yes, you're this important.
i'll forget th world tht i knew, but i'll never forget you.
i don't care who else hate me, dislike me or look down on me.
cause everytime somethings happened, im reminded by God tht i have you.
EVERYTYM. im serious! every single time!

i was feeling better even when bad day broke out.
not because you will be theq to comfort me or console me
but because i know you would love me no matter what happens.
we don't talk, we don't sms but what kept you close was th thought and heart
tht is constantly reminding me tht im blessed because i have you!

i never thought tht this day will come when ur words seems to attack me.
i thought you would always love me. i guess, i was wrong.
i know it wasn't ur fault cause im th one being a bitch.
i really don't know how to describe how i feel right now..

today sucks, yet my mind doesn't have th thought tht u'll always be by my side anymore.
it's just th thought tht u've changed, u hated me and you're seeking revenge. :'/
it hurts more thn anything else, i can tell you.
**but what's th use? u aren't theq to listen to me anymore.
ur words hurt me so much more deeply thn u can ever expect.
nowadays, you just say hurtful stuff more thn usual then apologise..
you said.. i understand you, so i know u dont mean it when u say mean stuff.
but th problem is... i don't seems to understand you anymore.

hurting someone then say 'are you okay?' is a lousy way to comfort someone.
If things WERE okay, you won’t need to console that person.

today sucks, yet i can't tell you anything :'(

3years of ur faithfulness being th best friend i've received.
do you still love me a not? :'(

IM REALLY DRAINED.

DID I LOSE YOU? :'(

Girls' outing! ^^

2011-07-17T18:36:00.002+08:00

SATURDAY 16/07/2011
Basically, we had our girls' outing today..
sadly, a lot of girls cant make it. sigh. but it's ok..
we'll have a chance next tym~ ^^

we met at 130pm, basically... EVERYONE'S LATE EXCEPT ME!
hahaha! i was early by 1 min! hey, still early right.
Ivy came 3 mins after me, folo-ed by Eve, Xiaoyu and Darlene.
THAT YINGJING AH! Da xiao jie agn! haha!

we decided to travel th faster yet more complicated way..
need change 4 different lines but few mins faster thn th 3 different lines one.
when we reached expo, my leg is damn "sour" alrd. LOL.
but it was still ok, no blister or anything ^^
**Really like this photo, th view is just nice!

after which, we went to th food section, eat and eat and eat.
until we're super full. TOTALLY.
but im so demolished by my fatness because everyone seemed so skinny except me ._.
my life is a constant battle between my love for food and not wanting to be fat >:/
alright, i shld stop stresssing myself up over 'fatness' and move on to th next topic.

we chatted and did henna, which was kinda risky.
because 90% we'll get scolded tmr..
a high 20% out of 100% we might even receive a pink form cx it's against th sch rules.
but honestly, i didnt know.. or didnt think so much.. before deciding to do th henna..
felt kinda bad but it's okay, since my frens did it.
ahh, peer pressure uh! lol! :P
actualli it's th first tym im doing it.. this is why i gave it a try.
**Photos are now available at Xiaoyu's album!

Eve, me and Xiaoyu! We took this photo while heading home :)

I still kinda love her. :/
but remaining like just normal frens will be so much more better fr th both of us i guess.
omg, why am i toking like im once in a relationship with her? hahah!
_____________________________________________________________

Overall, today's outing fun!
hope tht th girls will be more bonded, and less complains between us.
^^ God bless everyone!

Ten quizzies!

2011-07-15T20:57:00.002+08:00

**Some qns might be repeated, you can just skip them.
im really bored, so im doing it! :D

1. Are you single - Yup.
2. Are you happy - Er.. Contented ba. ^^
3. Are you bored - Yeah, tht's why i am doing this!
4. Are you fair - As in? Skin tone or character?
5. Are you Italian- Nope.
6. Are you intelligent - Er.. Average.
7. Are you honest - Yes to some extent.
8. Are you nice - Yes to some extent.
9. Are you Irish - Nope.
10. Are you Asian - Yea.

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. Have you ever been in love - Dunoe if that was counted.
2. Do you believe in love at first sight - Kinda.
3. Do you currently have a crush? - Err.. Don't think so.
4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally - Who doesn't?
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart - Er.. Yea. :/
6. Have you ever had your heart broken - Yea.
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them - Crush counted?
8. Are you afraid of commitment - Depends on th person saying it.
9. Who was the last person you hugged - Should be sister.
10. Who was the last person you said I love you to? - Private & confidential.

TEN THIS OR THAT
1. Love or lust - Love?
2. Hard liquor or beer - None.
3. Cats or dogs - Neither, but dogs' obviously better.
4. A few good friends or any regular friends - Cheayee, YJ, Yangtin, Linglin, Jasmine, Rahim, Vynx, Jx, Danial, Amaalina?
5. Creamy or Crunchy - Creamy. >< actually dependz.
6. Pencil or Pen - Both.
7. Wild night out or romantic night in - Both.
8. Money or Happiness - Moderately happy with up's' and down's', average wealth.
9. Night or day - Both.
10. MSN or phone - Both also okay.

TEN HAVE YOU EVER
1. Been caught sneaking out - Nope.
2. Seen a polar bear - Online counted? ><
3. Done something you regret - Yea, but what's done cannot be undone.
4. Bungee jumped - Nope.
5. Eaten food that fell on the floor - Hehe >< yea.
6. Finished an entire jaw breaker - Nope.
7. Been caught naked - Nope.
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back - Yea.
9. Cried because you lost a pet - Yea.
10. Wanted to disappear - Sometimes.

TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER
1. Smile or eyes - Both.
2. Light or dark hair - Doesn't matter.
3. Hugs or kisses - Hugs.
4. Shorter or taller - Taller.
5. Intelligence or attraction - Average fr both.
6. Topman or Zara - Why do this matter in preference? LOL.
7. Funny or serious - Funny! but serious at times.
8. Older or Younger - Older but younger than me not more than 2 years can be considered too.
9. Outgoing or quiet - Average. Not so outgoing and not so quiet.
10. Sweet or Bad - DUH?! Sweet uh? But everyday sweet tht kind, cx i will feel tht it's disgusting.

TEN HAVE YOUS
1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd - Yea.
2. Ever talked on the phone for longer than an hour - Yea.
3. Ever tried walking on your hands - Yea.
4. Ever been to a rock concert - Yea.
5. Ever been on a cheerleading team - Nope.
6. Ever been on a dance team - Yea.
7. Ever been on a sports team - Yea.
8. Ever been in a drama play/production - Yea.
9. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley - Nope.

TEN LAST
1. Last phone call you made - Danial.
2. Last person you hugged - Sister.
3. Last person(s) you hung out with - YJ.
4. Last time you worked - December.
5. Last person you talked to - Rahim.
6. Last person you IM'd - What's tht?
7. Last person you texted - YJ.
8. Last person(s) you went to the movies with – 2 sis, Gm and Shahrul.
9. Last person/thing you missed – Er.. Private and confidential.
10. Last website visited – Facebook.

Kaili says hi.

2011-07-15T19:31:00.000+08:00

My cap is so cool yo! :D

Sigh, slacking in cca is kinda BORING.
we've got nothing to do~ just sit theq, chat and slack. sigh..
alright, tmr is time fr food fare! hope it will be fun~ ^^

looking thru fb, saw my cousin and their bf's' photo,
kinda jealous.. even one of them who is.. so dishonest in life and etc gets a bf.
but of cx th bf is some ah beng ah~ but they tgt kinda longgg le.
so got abit of envy but to some extend ah ;x
lazy think of all those things right now,
everyone's just frens will make things less complicated and simpler..
don't you agree? (:

I'M SO GLAD KAILI HAS MOVED ON.
but i still dare not to unblock you,
cause sometimes memories just flash back like this and i don't want to get hurt anymore.

He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

2011-07-14T20:07:00.000+08:00

Embrace me dear God, as I face another day with hope in my heart.

Now, I surrender everything to You dear God.
all I am is Yours.
__________________________________________________________

Just gonna post some facts, saw on tumblr! :D
all are true BUT bold- means super true, to me.

1. It's good to have dreams, but you must keep them logical.
2. Don't complain about life just because you don't have th car or house of ur own choice.
3. It's okay to change ur mindset about people and things but make sure it makes sense.
4. Being successful means something different to each person.
5. Don't push your friends to like what you like. Let them find what they like instead.
6. Some people will think tht it's okay to judge, but don't be like them.
7. You're not weird as you think you're. Everyone is just different.
8. You don't need anyone's permission to do what you think it's right fr you.
9. Do everything as if theq's no chance of failing.
10. No one will grant ur wishes, you need to make them happen urself.
11. Over analyzing will lead you to th wrong conclusions.
12. No one really keep track how many times you screw things up, so just chill!
13. Your salary doesn't determine how good you're.
14. People who try harder to look tough is always th one who needs more affection.
15. Things are just things!
16. If you try to sound smart, you will end up sounding dumb.
17. Things tht are hard to say are usually th most important kinds.
18. There will always be ppl prettier than you, accept it and move on.
19. Thinking too much fr a problem won't make it easier to solve.
20. Some day, you'll miss today.
______________________________________________________

Number 14 is really true.
people who try harder to look tough is always th one who needs more affection!
this is really true, tht is why i am expectionally nice to those whom i think needs affection.
esp those who purposely act out to be big and cold.

JAYYEX.
I should have shut up, but I can’t take those words back and now, I regret.
sorry. :/

For her.

2011-07-13T21:10:00.004+08:00

Dear lady,

I'm just a teenager, i'm not strong ALL th time.
you can look down on me. yes of course you can.
BUT to some extend please.
i know i'm not someone smart or good memory to rmb all th concepts or formula.
but at least i'm trying my best.
you don't see it, BUT i do! i know i'm lazy, yes i know.
comparing to so many of my classmates, im really lazy.
but when it comes to exam, i'm damn stressed up.
I NOT ONLY WANT GOOD RESULT, I DON'T WAN TO DISAPPOINT YOU.
'cause i know you put in a lot of effort fr us.. including me.

but this few days, are you trying to tell me tht u lost hopes to teach me?
and want me to take my o lvl next year?
do you really mean it tht way?
why do you need to go against me SO MUCH?
because im rude? because im useless fr ur bonus?
or is it because u don't care about my result anymore?

you always assume things. although in my heart, i've killed you 3 times alrd,
BUT my mouth is still smiling, JUST BECAUSE I RESPECT YOU.
but respect isn't wad i need to give you, is what you need to earned from ppl!
you're really to biased to those hardworking and smart classmates plus some of th boys.
look arnd you, theq are still people like me WHO NEEDS UR HELP urgently.

you asked help from me, i'll do it.
you call me, i'll pick up.
you say my conduct is getting worst cx im disturbing my frens.
BUT HEY. im a teenager, I STILL NEED MY OWN KIND OF FREEDOM.
i really hope you can understand..
by being a councillor, doesn't mean i have to do everything right.
IM STILL A HUMAN BEING,
it's still okay fr me to make mistakes as long as i learn from it. isn't it?
people can shout vulgarities across th class, but when i say "asshole", im like a BIG sinner.
WHY?! i know it's not a nice word to say, but at least..
you can talk to me nicely, i'm sure i'll change.

when im upset to th max, you pretended not to see.
sometimes it's good, but sometimes it isn't.
and it seems like when i need ur help th most, you're not theq.
i'm really glad to have Mr teo as co-form arnd, it's my blessing.
he sort of cover up fr what you've done.
he's a good teacher.

you know, i'm so tired of seeing you being biased to people you like and some of th boys.
please, if you want to be biased don't show it to others who u DON'T EVEN GIVE A DAMN.
it just hurts. tht's all.

i asked you to teach me, and you just say this this this, tht tht tht.
i don't understand but you're still explaining impatiently and you just walked away.
i walked to Shahrul's desk and you asked me to go back in a rude tone?
IF YOU WERE THERE TO TEACH ME,
DO YOU THINK I NEED TO WALK AND ASK SHAHRUL?
you always think tht people who are not doing well is not putting in th effort.
but some of them are, in fact, MOST of them are.
you think u're th only ones worried,
those hardworking and smart classmates are th only ones who are worried.
WRONG!

please take a look arnd you.
some people need your help desperately :'(

p/s: no offence if this is rude, it's just wad i felt.

Love,
Kaili.

KAILI'S CUTE ;P

2011-07-12T20:42:00.000+08:00

KAILI IS JUST SO CUTE. HAHAHA ;P

when i online now, it seems like.. a lot people aren't online..
ESP people from my class and i feel so slack. SERIOUSLY.
im trying to look fr transparent contacts!!
apparently, people likes to copy Kaili. sigh! :/
but maybe it's not what they want? maybe it's just their habit. sigh :/

anw, i think tht some one is sexy?! WTH!
first tym in my life, wth am i thinking?! seriously!
HAHHAA. i think im sick in th mind. OMG..
ok, i should stop all these.
AND TAN YING JING, THANKS AH..
THANKS FR EXPOSING ME ==" LOL!
now im so paiseh in front of Jasmine and Linglin ><

KAILI LOVES GOD!

2011-07-11T21:06:00.000+08:00

I'm trying to finish posting all my saved up tumblr photos..
but it seems hard ah, tumblr is just too awesome! kekeke! :D
AND **I've uploaded new princessKEL's tumblr photo on fb! do check it out!
if you like it, please help by pressing th "like", thanks yeah! ^^

This is really nice :)
-> if you did not see it with your own eyes or hear it with ur own ears,
don't invent it with ur small mind and share it with ur big mouth.
-> i tink everyone shld stop assuming, and start loving! x3

Prayer (:

Yes, i laugh only with people i want to laugh with.
i love all th people arnd me! :D

I know i'll, because my story is written by God! ^^
and i'll wait patiently until th day God give it to me. :)

I'll have th strength to stand up and move on.
because God is right beside me when storms of my life occurs. :)

Lord, I'll worship you as long as I live! :)
I LOVE YOU GOD, REALLY REALLY A LOT!

Love,
Your princess.

Mr once-perfect.

2011-07-08T16:37:00.004+08:00

Dear Mr once-perfect,
i know i've deleted you from this blog, before i post this.
cause i don't want you to feel guilty or what.
it's not our fault. it's just tht we don't deserve each other :)

i think it's time fr me to really post about this and make it in my memories.
you're th very first person i liked when im with. really. count urself lucky ba.
some people waited fr 3 years still didnt get >< haha!
but i know im lucky too, cause im also th first person to you.

hmm. do you rmb how we started?
it's because of ogl training right, then we were in th same group.
so i had to sms you fr details because im th leader.
but on tht day itself, th grouping was changed. both of us are a bit siian.
nevertheless, you still sms me after th camp.

i didn't really like you cause i heard really bad tings about you..
so.. to keep away from you, i told you daily at 9pm i'll sleep.
but it's fake ah :P hehe.

do you want to know how i started to talk more to you?
was when you always have this policy of talking to me first..
cause .. to me.. i always have this thought in my..
"if someone wants to talk to me, he/she will talk to me first."

once, you told me tht you're upset because you're always th one who say good morning to me.
i replied saying i don't like to greet ppl first because..
ppl always take me for granted if i do tht..
and to my expectation, you willingly agreed to be th one who will start talking to me.

th first month was awesome. actualli th second month was too.
we were damn shy but damn sweet towards each other too.
i still rmb, my mum trying to force out who are you..
when i finally told her, she didn't want me to go out with you anymore but..
when she saw you and you actualli spoke to her, she thinks tht you're a awesome guy.
so whenever i go out with you, she didn't mind at all.

once, you had a dream tht i just disappeared in ur dreams,
when you woke up, you wana meet me immediately..
and you finally told me th dream and said tht you were really afraid of losing me.
tht's why you'll do everything to keep me..
tht really touched me. :)

you also told Wafir and Jx how good i am and more
BUT i don't have to be popular, because i have you.
tht's my mindset when i'm with you. totally.

i still have all th schedules tht we went out..
i did record down.. i kept all th gifts and even those notes you wrote in pencil. lol.
oh, i threw it away on my b'day this year though. haha.

17 January 2011, was th first day we decided to go out and we saw Ms kok ._.
18 January 2011, Ms kok questioned th both of us, esp me ._.
22 January 2011, we went out fr dinner and we saw Mr teo and Rahayu ._.
24 January 2011, Mr teo and Ms kok questioned us and we both stayed back fr class deco ._.
28 January 2011, you waited fr me to end my cca, just to send me home. :)

2 Febuary 2011, we went to have lunch aft school(afternoon).
you phoned me and told me that you really like me, mentioned how awesome i was,
asked me to take care while oversea, and more(at night).
3-5 Febuary 2011, my phone was spammed with ur 'badly missing' messages.
11 Febuary 2011, you waited super long fr my cca to end just to send me home. :)
12 Febuary 2011, th day you tried to book me out fr v.day.
14 Febuary 2011, after school, we went fr movie and you gave me th gift tht you saved money fr. :)
18 Febuary 2011, you waited fr my cca to end, just to send me home. :) and we saw Ms kok ._.
19 Febuary 2011, we went to vivo and had dinner at secret recipe. :) It's a really "special" day.
22 Febuary 2011, we stayed back and studied chem together. :)
Kena scolded by Ms kok because we sat together ._.
Mr teo questioned us ._.
25 Febuary 2011, you went home then travel all th way to school when my cca ends,
just to send me home. Really touched :')

1 March 2011, after school chatted until 8pm @ admirately with you.
3 March 2011, went to school with you, but we quarrelled at night.
9 March 2011, stayed back with you and we walked under dizzle while you send me home.
11 March 2011, you picked me up and have lunch tgt with me. we saw Ms guo ._.
(a week of only sms)
21 March 2011, back to very close.
24 March 2011, went to school with you and you waited really long. ps ;x
25 March 2011, you waited fr me to finish my cca, just to send me home. we saw Ms kok ._.
Ms kok saw you helping me to carry my stuff and said, wah! so good ah!
30 March 2011, we chatted happily and i was finally accepting ur call(before 6pm),
we argued over some really "too over" stuff(after 6pm).
31 March 2011, you didn't sms me. we met up at 8pm+ and decided tht we should not be together.
in other words, we're back to strangers.

reverse reserve: during Mr teo's bday, we still sms-ed him late at night..
wishing him th same sms and lied to him tht we're still tgt at 1am.
AND mr teo only replied my sms >< you're really pissed! haha!

back to 31 March;
i really cried very hard because i hope tht it was on 1 April instead.
i hope tht it was an april fool joke. in my mind, i know you wouldnt make this kind of jokes.
but i still have tht 0.00000000000000001% tht it's an april fool joke.

and it's like.. plus minus one more day till 4th month?
__________________________________________________________

My mum still did not know what you did, because i didn't wan her to change impression on you.
not much people knew what you did though.
except fr Yingjing and Rahim.
BUT, i wouldn't say to anyone else because i won't use ur past against you.
and i know if i tell them, they'll hate you fr life.

i was really angry that day because you said tht..
"if you think i am in wrong, then im sorry".
if you could say reply sorry and try to make me happy agn,
i WOULD have forgave you despite HOW big th problem is.

i was cheated by you and i didn't hold it against you in just ONE day.
and yet you said, tht one day changed ur feelings?
so all i could say was "it's okay, just don't do it to any other girls ever again."
i didn't know how much it would hurt until i experience it myself.

at this moment, fr th next one month..
i'm like living in my own world. every thursday i'll cry.
th first week we're no longer together, i didn't eat much. really.
because when i eat, i cried.
my parents tried so hard to make me happy.
if i want to eat something, they give everything to me.
i kept praying, and praying. finally, i've th courage to start all over again.

until now, i don't know if i've fully gotten over you. i hope i did though..
but i believe it's really stupid to be with someone in secondary.
esp if it's just months.

i've already understand th concept of..
"everyone is free to change, and you can't do anything about it."
"God probably knew we didn't deserve ea other."
and if we can't be together, i hope both of us will receive something better :)

and i really thank Yangtin fr being there even though she didn't know what exactly happened.
Yingjing fr being angry with me when i cried.
Rahim fr being theq when life sucks th most.
Jianxiong fr siding me and encouraging even though th other parties is his friend.
Vynx fr always changing my negative mindset despite everything i've done to him.
and BONUS thanks to Yangtin, fr praying fr me :)

although i havent say to you, you told Vynx tht i unfriend you in fb,
but actually i didn't. i just blocked you because Vynx said tht it would be better.
so i did. after we graduate, i'll unblock.. don't worry :)
i believe one day, we'll have enough space fr friendship :)

aft tht, i tried to make myself hate you, th best i could.
so i told myself tht ur love is just a big lie.
because you once promised me tht you'll always be theq like..
what one of th jerk promised before but both of y'all failed.
so.. at one moment i really dislike you to th max, don't worry.. i don't dislike you now.
but we still won't talk, cause it's awkward.

I also tried my best to show you tht im doing alright without you.
you can't blame me too. cause i am like a princess who received everything
and.. just at tht few hours, i lost it all.
i WAS not afraid of anything because i have you.
i don't need anyone else to like me so much because i have you.
tht's what i used to think..

ohyar, one more thing i wana touch on is..
i tink you keep things to urself too much. tht's why ur friends are distant.
and also, you must get th idea tht you'll be in wrong once in a while.
you HAVE TO apologise. if not more and more ppl will dislike you.

i think you can see tht ur friends really dislike you because of somethings u did to them.
nevertheless, you must believe tht theq's always hope.
and fr th last tym im saying this, you're still precious to some people (not to me though :/)
and you're definetely NOT A FAILURE.

i have two thing to apologise and to thank you fr...
1. apology fr making life so complicated to you.
2. apology fr not being able to work out my bday plan and chalet plan tht u've planned.
sincerely, sorry.
1. thank you fr all th sweet moments.
2. thank you fr this separation because of this, i found back my very impt friend aft 2 years.
really thankful.

and i trust you even though you mentioned tht i don't seems to.
most importanly,
i once loved you just th way you're despite how you treat ur friends.
this is th truth i've yet to tell you :)

Yes, i'm starting all over agn..
one life without you :)

p/s: not all events are posted, because too much memories are not good too.

Love,
Once-your-happiness.

Friendship.

2011-07-07T21:27:00.001+08:00

I DON'T KNOW WHY TH FK YOU HATE ME SO MUCH.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TH FK I DID TO YOU.
STOP FKING TORTURE ME WITH UR CLIQUE.

I ONLY KNEW I TRIED SO DAMN HARD TO MAKE YOU HAPPY WHEN U'RE STILL MY FRIEND.
AND THIS IS HOW U REPAY ME?
DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE TOO MUCH?

CALLING ME A BITCH.
SAYING I SUCKS.
LEFT ME OUT FR OUTINGS.
PURPOSELY DO SOMETHING AND RUIN MY WHOLE PLAN.
WASTED MY MONEY but most important.. YOU DESTROY TH FRIENDSHIP WE HAD.
DON'T RESPECT ME WHEN I RESPECTED U?
WHEN ALL I EVER DID WAS TRIED TO GIVE YOU TH BEST I COULD.

girl, don't you think you're too much :'(
until now, I STILL DON'T HATE YOU AND I DON'T KNOW WHY TOO!
exactly, tell me in my face. WHAT TH FUCK DID I DO TO U?!
BECAUSE I REALLY CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT!

Today is a damn fuck-ed up day.
i'm really tired.
I REALLY HATE MY CLASS.

JAYKAY.

2011-06-27T20:24:00.004+08:00

Byebye blog :)

it's time to say goodbye to my blog! :)
i'm gonna abandon it.

I want to take everything to God, and surrender them, for my pain and my joys are His too.

i'll do all i can to make myself happy now and

i hope someday we could forgive each other and find enough space for friendship.

KAILI'S BACK.

2011-06-26T19:50:00.000+08:00

Yo! I'm backkkkkkk~

yes, you're right..
with TYS undone.

IT'S TUMBLR TIME..
reading tumblr's quotes is MORE IMPT ><

Th past.

2011-06-21T00:10:00.000+08:00

Don't ever use my past against me.

IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
SO STOP IT GUYS, STOP IT.
WHO WOULD EVER KNEW THT THT WAS A FKING WRONG AND
ONE OF TH DUMBIEST ACT.

WHY Y'ALL ALWAYS THINK THT IT'S MY FAULT?
HURTING PPL IS ALSO MY FAULT.
EVEN BEING HURT IS MY FAULT BECAUSE I'M STUPID.
so.. exactly, what do y'all want me to do?

not gonna break down because of this :)
good job, kaili! you've grown! finally!!
YOU'LL CONTINUE FIGHTING!
because you did nothing wrong about tht! :)

GOODBYE GUYS.

2011-06-20T20:26:00.000+08:00

Hahaha, it makes me think of someone being completely trashed on fb by another unknown.
and there she is.. not being able to understand th sarcasm.
serve you right fr bullying yj and me last year! :P

and and,
YJ, stop commenting on my boyfr's photo D:

I KNOW PEOPLE LIKE YJ, RAHIM & HONGZE IS GONNA MISS ME LOTS.
HAHAHHAAH!! i'm leaving soon.. GOODBYEEEEE and see you "soon" :P
6 days! :P

Advance: Hongze's day, Minho's day.

2011-06-20T16:26:00.002+08:00

so long nv eat this kind of junk already. hahaa.
but why is there black one?! lol!
okok, before i carry on with my post..

HAPPY ADVANCED BIRTHDAY TO ~~ACSM~~ CSM CHUA HONGZE!
21 June;
sorry i couldn't be th last to wish you this year..
so i shall be th first to wish you before i leave spore! :D

basically, went to meet Hongze to pass his bday present
and i've received my 3rd gift from him this year too!
hurray, great achievement! :D btw, yes.. i'm leaving spore tmr.
will only be back on 26th night.
so cya guys, don't miss me! wakakak xD

and...........
and.........
and.......
and.....
and....
and...
and..
and.
AND!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR LEE MIN HO BOYFR! ♥
22 June;
SUPER SORRY that i couldn't wish or post on ur bday day itself.
love you lots! continue shinning k!!! ♥

♥

♥♥

♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Happy Father's Day 2011

2011-06-19T11:47:00.000+08:00

*Click to enlarge*
my bro's so funny,
and it's super fun disturbing him~ :P
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First of all,

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! ♥
HAPPYFATHER'SDAY GOD AND DAD!
th picture speaks everything :')

Went out with my mum and my sis ytd, went to buy products fr genting trip.
ohyar, im going to genting agn.. sigh, wish i could go somewheq else this holiday like..
korea, hongkong, taiwan.. sighh but it's okay.. :)
oh, my mum bought me a new shirt xD wakaka!
and she agreed to buy me th jacket tht she said it's ex and i said it isn't!!! :D omg finally!
YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE WAITED. HAHAHA!!

ok, so we went to wlands checkpoint next.. dad drove us theq.
my sis and me had a really funny conversation over theq, haha!!
Sis: I want seaweed!
Me: Stop wasting money!
Sis: Tsk, okay!

Mum: Sour or mint sweet.
Me: Green mint!
Sis: Sour!
Me: NO! Green mint.
Sis: Ok fine, green mint.
Me: Nah, sour! I don't want green mint already.
Sis: Tsk.

Me: Mum, need buy eye mo!
Sis: Stop wasting money la!
Me: Tsk!
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Back to december - Taylor swift :)

Boredom~

2011-06-16T20:45:00.001+08:00

This is so cool! But i don't dare to play this. hahah!
cause it's like.. idk.. i just .. don't dare to play this.

ok, wait. brb will continue th post later, Hongze's back!! :)
*post to be continued*
ok! i'm back to continue th post.
today's rather bored. but tht Rahim says dont wana pamper me anymore,
so he wants me to be bored on my own ._. so... here i am.

ok, i know my post's rather boring nowadays cause nth special happen.
BECAUSE I DIDNT GO OUT! Why i didnt go out?
BECAUSE I NO MONEY! Why i no money?
BECAUSE I SPENT ALL AND IS LAZY TO WORK.
sigh...
so i guess i'll post pictures from tumblr~
btw, new tumblr pictures i've made are uploaded at fb.
KEL's album :)

I always draw it!! hahah!

Hehe yeah! That's why i go to th mall!

Not only when i'm young >.< i still do tht at times now.

My never-ending-crazy stories! :P

Yes!! Saw breakups at fb, it's normal yes.. BUT
those guys 1 week later went into relationship with another girl.
one guy even posted: what's wrong with a breakup? it's just a breakup! ._.
i mean, if you're not serious, don't play with ppl.
ppl changing steads like changing clothes?! WTH.

Totally.

2011-06-15T14:42:00.002+08:00

How are you now?
bored in th hospital yeh? don't be k~
take this tym to have a good rest! ♥
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Sleeping hours had been weird. like seriously ._.
when i woke up, it's either afternoon or reaching afternoon.
less than 2 weeks thn school reopen alrd!~ not in study mood.. sigh.
now daily, woke up.. watched disc..
on comp, watch online shows, watch movie.
omg. need change my lifestyle alrd lah~ lol!

btw, Jazlyn haven't post GDOP's photos ah~ haha.
so post postponed agn :P